Tuesday, 9 January 2018

Confessions 2018

I know I risk angering the Call Gods by saying this, but my trauma game has been rather slow lately.  I've had very few blog-worthy stories of late, and the last thing I want to do is post a "Oops, no story this week" filler bullshit.  So instead I've decided to continue a tradition from January 2015, or at least what I intended to become a tradition but instead got lost amongst the drunken idiot stories: CONFESSIONS.

Yes, I believe the best way to start a new year is not by making yet another resolution that you know will be broken by January 2 (no, you will NOT go to the gym every single day), but rather by confessing sins and starting the year clean. 

So here goes.  The Official DocBastard Annual Confessional continues.
  • Though I am a die-hard heavy metal and prog rock fan, I confess to thoroughly enjoying the song "I Want It That Way" by the Backstreet Boys.  I have tried my best NOT to like it, yet I find myself singing along with it every single goddamned time I hear it, most recently this afternoon.
  • While I'm on the subject of songs I'm embarrassed to like, I also confess that I like "Love Yourself" by Justin Bieber.  Fuck me, but that's a clever song. I hate myself for liking it.
  • Even though the number of followers I have doesn't impact my self-worth, I really do want more followers on Twitter and more readers here.
  • I want to meet Andy Wakefield, ostensibly so I can not-so-politely tell him of the irreparable harm he has done to public health, but actually so I can punch him in his stupid fucking lying face.
  • I hate teaching medical students.
  • I hate training new surgeons even more.
  • I plan on retiring from clinical practice in less than 10 years.
  • I enjoy riling idiots on Twitter and proving them wrong.
  • I like challenging the Call Gods sometimes and seeing what kind of shitstorm they bring me in retaliation.
  • I speak to my drunk patients in the same manner I speak to my children.
  • I hate spam comments here almost as much as spam phone calls at home, and I wish I could round up all the spammers, put them in a small office building, and make them all call and email each other nonstop until they all die.
  • There have been a few times on call when I wish I could have had a beer.
  • I drive home drowsy after call regularly.  I know it's fairly stupid, though I haven't come anywhere close to falling asleep at the wheel in about 15 years.  
  • I am a big Star Wars fan, and I loved "The Last Jedi".  It's probably my favourite Star Wars movie.  I'm sure this will anger many die-hard Star Wars fans, so COME AT ME.
  • I got an email from a publisher about potentially publishing a book.
  • I come dangerously close to hitting a patient at least once a month.
  • Despite my palate maturing as I've aged, I still cannot bring myself to eat a mushroom.  Seriously, fuck mushrooms.
I think that's about enough for one year.  I'll be back with more confessions in 2019 unless that book deal comes through.

Feel free to add your own confessions down below.