Thursday 15 March 2012


I have a bit of a love-hate relationship with my local police. On one hand I appreciate the fact that they protect me from all the psychotic assholes in the area. On the other hand, they sometimes bring these psychotic assholes into my trauma bay.

One of these rock stars was a 16 year old kid who stole a car and was caught. So he pulled over like a good citizen, right? OF COURSE NOT! Come on, I just told you he stole the car!! He just floored it. After about 30 minutes of running at 150 kph (95 mph), he finally lost control and hit a tree.

Now typically after a car accident, the medics very carefully extract the victim from the wreckage. This kid, on the other hand, they tazed, yanked out of the car, and handcuffed before slapping a cervical collar on him and depositing him in my trauma room and waiting around to see if they could haul him away to jail.

Fortunately once he got to the hospital he behaved himself like a perfect gentleman. Wait, were you not paying attention? He STOLE A CAR AND RAN! He acted like a complete jackass. This 16 year old punk was a wild man, trying to climb off the bed, yelling and screaming, kicking and spitting. It took 6 large police officers and security guards to hold him down.

During all this commotion, he was screaming that we have to let him go. We can't hold him down! He knows his rights!! Then he hit me with this:


After I (and all the cops) stopped laughing, I composed myself, looked him right in the eye, and said,

"Sir, they're already here."


  1. Once had a 19yo 90lb female o brought up to our psych floor. She was being escorted by 2 EMTs & 2 orderlies. Some of the staff found this amusing until she went off & managed to kick in two plate glass windows that contained metal screens to prevent shattering. It finally took another two security guards added to then may lay before she 'calmly' was admitted. O_o

  2. Doc, you definately have the best responses to everything. Ive read your fml comments before, but this takes the cake.

    And btw, im 16, but im not some dumb asshole like this kid and many others.


If you post spam or advertisements, I will hunt you down and eliminate you.

Comments may be moderated. Trolls will be deleted, and off-topic comments will not be approved.

Web-hosted images may be included thusly: [im]image url here[/im]. Maybe. I'm testing it.

Not dead

I'll start this post by answering a few questions that may or may not be burning in your mind: No, I'm not dead.  No, I didn't g...