Police

I have a bit of a love-hate relationship with my local police. On one hand I appreciate the fact that they protect me from all the psychotic assholes in the area. On the other hand, they sometimes bring these psychotic assholes into my trauma bay.

One of these rock stars was a 16 year old kid who stole a car and was caught. So he pulled over like a good citizen, right? OF COURSE NOT! Come on, I just told you he stole the car!! He just floored it. After about 30 minutes of running at 150 kph (95 mph), he finally lost control and hit a tree.

Now typically after a car accident, the medics very carefully extract the victim from the wreckage. This kid, on the other hand, they tazed, yanked out of the car, and handcuffed before slapping a cervical collar on him and depositing him in my trauma room and waiting around to see if they could haul him away to jail.

Fortunately once he got to the hospital he behaved himself like a perfect gentleman. Wait, were you not paying attention? He STOLE A CAR AND RAN! He acted like a complete jackass. This 16 year old punk was a wild man, trying to climb off the bed, yelling and screaming, kicking and spitting. It took 6 large police officers and security guards to hold him down.

During all this commotion, he was screaming that we have to let him go. We can't hold him down! He knows his rights!! Then he hit me with this:

"IF YOU DON'T LET ME GO, I'M GOING TO CALL THE POLICE!"

After I (and all the cops) stopped laughing, I composed myself, looked him right in the eye, and said,

"Sir, they're already here."