Monday 19 March 2012

Indescribable stupidity

Some people are so indescribably stupid that words fail to portray just how stupid they actually are.  However, I'm going to do my best to do exactly that.

At some point in your life, you have to learn from your experiences.  You just have to.  Otherwise, you're going to end up like this next guy who just hasn't seemed to understand that the world is trying to tell him something.

At the beginning of my last shift, the first patient of the day was reported to be a man who jumped out of a third story window.  Surely he was trying to escape a burning building, right?  Or maybe he fell off a balcony?  Perhaps he was just taking a stupid dare and jumped for the hell of it?  These thoughts were going through my head when the medics wheeled him in with several police officers following closely behind.

Uh oh.  That's never a good sign.

The first thing I saw when I look at him were two very mangled-looking wrists and a very abnormal elbow.  I did a quick once-over and saw a large vertical scar on his abdomen that looked just like the type of incision I make for people who get shot.  I asked him what the scar was from.  "That's from when I got shot 2 years ago."

Oh, great.  "So what happened to you today?" I asked him.

"I jumped out the window."

"And why in the world did you do that?" I asked, feeling like I knew the answer.

"I was trying to get away."

From what?  He wouldn't tell me.  Finally, after several tries, I said, "Perhaps from these guys over here with the guns and handcuffs?"


Uh huh.  It turns out that he and his buddy were robbing a house.  Unbeknownst to them, the homeowner was still at home and had hidden in a closet.  She called the police who confronted the two hoodlums, and this guy, in his great wisdom, chose to jump out of a third floor window rather than get caught.  After a full workup, in addition to his bilateral open wrist fractures and horribly fractured elbow, he also had a very nasty fractured hip.  He may never regain full use of either wrist.

After informing him of his injuries, I looked at him and said, "Next time this happens, just let them catch you."

NEXT TIME?? I hear you yelling.  Yes, next time.  He didn't learn his lesson and change his behaviour after getting shot and nearly dying, so what makes you think he'll learn anything from this experience?

So how did I do?  Did I describe him well enough?

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