Saturday, 25 February 2012

Predictability

When you're watching a movie, do you ever find yourself saying, "I bet something is going to fall out that window and land on that guy. SEE! I told you!" Can you predict the future? Can you sense what is about to happen? Well I can, apparently. And I predict that you can too.

A young man was admitted after swallowing a pen. No, not a pin. A pen. A Bic ink pen. How did he do that? No seriously, I'm asking you: HOW THE HELL DID HE DO IT? I have no idea, but somehow he did. And then he came to the ER with abdominal pain, much to the surprise of no one.

We did an upper endoscopy and managed to remove the plastic barrel of the pen, but the ink cartridge and the nib (that's the tip) were nowhere to be found. We figured they would eventually pass through his GI tract...wait, are you predicting anything yet?

Right, they didn't pass. After 3 days of observation, his poop was distinctly ink-free.

Shit.

I got an X-ray which showed the nib somewhere in his small intestine. Still, I figured it would make its way out eventually, and his pain was gone. So I figured I'd send him home and let him poop out the nib in the comfort of his own home.

I went into his room to tell him the good news. "You're going home today!"

"That's great news, Doc. Thanks! Oh by the way..." Oh no...do you see it coming?

"...I swallowed another pen."

He did...how could...but why would he...what a fucking idiot!! I hear you saying.

I knew you were going to say that.

9 comments:

  1. Friend: I bet you can't swallow a pen.
    Idiot: YOU'RE ON!!

    ...Week later after getting it removed...

    (ring ring)
    Friend: bet you wouldn't do it again.
    Idiot: I did it once and I'll do it again!

    Honestly cannot believe he did that!!! That just blows my mind honestly. He must have some serious psychological issues going on. Or a really mean friend. Your awesome Doc for everything you do! I look forward to your posts! I check daily :) have a good weekend!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I predict this guy going nowhere in life.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Please say you sent him for a psych evaluation.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Sounds like pica :/ Am I right?

    ReplyDelete
  5. Does it make me a bad guy if I sometimes wish there was a humane way of throwing morons like that into a woodchipper?..

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Gassing them might be more humane. Or shooting them. But, for now we can only wait for them to die of their stupidity.

      Delete
  6. I swallowed a pin once. Not cool, I sure as hell am not going to do it again! And a pin is a lot smaller than a pen!

    ReplyDelete

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