Most of the mechanisms of injury I see are rather mundane and pedestrian. Auto accidents, falls, stabbings, shootings, pedestrians struck, bicycle accidents, and assaults are the mainstays of what I see, do, and fix. Sometimes I get the "other", however. These can be anything from ordinary (dog bite) to a bit strange (chainsaw to the face) to how the hell did that happen (foot run over by a lawnmower) to what the actual fuck (bitten by a camel). To be honest, it's difficult to come up with a mechanism of injury that I haven't seen.
Until someone does.
Saturday night seems to go along with alcohol just like peas and carrots, peanut butter and jelly, salt and pepper. It just doesn't seem to flow linguistically, however. Hm. Anyway, I'm constantly astounded at what drunk people will do to themselves or others, simply because they are drunk. It doesn't seem to matter what they do or to whom they do it, as long as they can blame alcohol.
"Hi Doc, good evening. This is Dawn (not her real name™). Dawn was assaulted with bug spray tonight, and . . ."
I don't typically interrupt the medics in the middle of a patient presentation, but this time I couldn't help myself.
"Wait wait wait . . . what?"
The medic chuckled a bit and continued. "Heh, yeah. Anyway, she was assaulted with bug spray after her and her boyfriend got into a fight after a night of heavy drinking. She's got a lac on her scalp about 5 cm, positive loss of consciousness. She's 49 years old, history of HIV, not taking any meds, no allergies. Only complaining of a headache."
If you're following along here, you probably have the same question I had. I could not resist the temptation and just blurted it out:
"So, was she hit with the can or sprayed?"
"Heh. Yeah, Both."
Fortunately the spray didn't get in her eyes, so all she needed was a few staples to close the wound and a heavy dose of IV fluid to get her sober. Once she was coherent, her boyfriend came to take her home. All was forgiven, apparently.
I know I've said this several times before, but this time I really really really mean it:
NOW I've seen everything.