Monday 11 December 2017

Now I've heard everything

Most of the mechanisms of injury I see are rather mundane and pedestrian. Auto accidents, falls, stabbings, shootings, pedestrians struck, bicycle accidents, and assaults are the mainstays of what I see, do, and fix. Sometimes I get the "other", however. These can be anything from ordinary (dog bite) to a bit strange (chainsaw to the face) to how the hell did that happen (foot run over by a lawnmower) to what the actual fuck (bitten by a camel). To be honest, it's difficult to come up with a mechanism of injury that I haven't seen.

Until someone does.

Saturday night seems to go along with alcohol just like peas and carrots, peanut butter and jelly, salt and pepper.  It just doesn't seem to flow linguistically, however.  Hm. Anyway, I'm constantly astounded at what drunk people will do to themselves or others, simply because they are drunk. It doesn't seem to matter what they do or to whom they do it, as long as they can blame alcohol.

"Hi Doc, good evening. This is Dawn (not her real name™). Dawn was assaulted with bug spray tonight, and . . ."

I don't typically interrupt the medics in the middle of a patient presentation, but this time I couldn't help myself.

"Wait wait wait . . . what?"

The medic chuckled a bit and continued. "Heh, yeah. Anyway, she was assaulted with bug spray after her and her boyfriend got into a fight after a night of heavy drinking. She's got a lac on her scalp about 5 cm, positive loss of consciousness. She's 49 years old, history of HIV, not taking any meds, no allergies. Only complaining of a headache."

If you're following along here, you probably have the same question I had.  I could not resist the temptation and just blurted it out:

"So, was she hit with the can or sprayed?"

"Heh. Yeah, Both."

Fortunately the spray didn't get in her eyes, so all she needed was a few staples to close the wound and a heavy dose of IV fluid to get her sober.  Once she was coherent, her boyfriend came to take her home.  All was forgiven, apparently.

I know I've said this several times before, but this time I really really really mean it:

NOW I've seen everything.


  1. That last line sounds like a challenge...


  2. Never tempt fate...on the bright side, at least he didn't use it as a flame thrower.

  3. Did you hear the one about the naked kidnappers? In Alberta? In winter? Using their car to assault the rescuer?

  4. HIV but not taking any meds? That sounds worrying.

  5. When I was a resident I sewed up a patient in the ER who, while drunk, decided he wanted to know what the cougar at the zoo felt like. So he climbed up a rock wall and stuck his arm through the bars to pet it. At least he didn't want to know what a garbage disposal felt like.

  6. So, isn't it dangerous when literal poison is sprayed into an open wound? Like, it gets a shortcut into the bloodstream and... then what?

  7. Wait...thats it? It doesnt seem that strange. Just amounts to being hit with a generic spray can. It happens.

    If it was a story of an anvil smashing a hand (by going under the anvil) or a toilet cutting open a hand, thatd be strange.

    Why so specific?
    Happened to me.
    Yes. It was the same hand.


    1. what were you doing with an anvil on your toilet?

    2. Thank you Ken. I haven't had a laugh like that in a few days. Now I'm stuck visualizing the possibilities.

    3. The incidents qere abput 6 years apart

    4. Dont text and walk. Lesson learned. That looks atrocious

  8. I once responded to a laceration from a ceramic soap tray in a shower.

    1. Hope the person was clothed when you arrived! Man I bet you have some stories too!

    2. bleeding was controlled with direct pressure and a bath towel. fortunately, it was minimal.

      but that call is one more reason why I don't plan to ever install tile in my shower.

  9. Call Gods: “Challenge accepted.”

  10. Reminded me of my favorite video to come out of Houston, post Hurricane Harvey. Scroll to the 35 sec mark if you're short on time. "Imma spray you...." So great.

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  12. Forestry workers tend to hit themselves with a chainsaw from the non-dominant knee downwards.

    Farmers can hit themselves anywhere.

    I recall a farmer hitting himself with a chainsaw from the mastoid process to the sternoclavicular joint. Another hitting himself over the thoracic vertebral spines between the scapulae.

    Both survived.

    Farmers can hit anything with a running chainsaw.


    1. let me be sure I understand the terminology correctly: the injury was on his BACK? I can understand hitting yourself in the face. the mechanics are within the bounds of careless saw operation. but how do you put it into your BACK?

    2. With talent, skill and just a little bit of luck.
      Was it done stylishly or a pigs dinner?


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