Saturday, 31 December 2016

New Year's Resolution

I'm not perfect.  That should surprise none of you, least of all Mrs. Bastard. I do strive to improve myself in various ways, but change is difficult.  I fear change.  I try to avoid change.  So how can I resolve this incongruent conflict between stagnation and improvement?

A new year's resolution, of course!  Right?

Ha.  No.

I've never made a new year's resolution for one simple reason: they're all bullshit.  Studies show that nearly 80% of people break their resolution before January 15th, and 90% by January 30th.  Studies also show that a certain anonymous blogger made up 100% of the statistics in that last sentence.  But seriously, how many people actually keep their resolution long term?  Have you?  Of course not.  And why?

Because new year's resolutions are bullshit.

The common resolutions are obvious: lose weight, exercise more, get in shape, drink less, quit smoking, save more money, eat better.  I can't do any of those resolutions, because I'm already in great shape, eat well and exercise regularly.  Ok, none of that is true, but in all honesty exercising sucks.  I hate it, and it sucks.  Studies show that people who exercise regularly live 6 years longer than those who don't, but they spend those 6 years exercising (see statistic on statistics above).  So fuck exercise.

But as 2016 comes to a close, I decided that this will be the first time in my {redacted} years on this planet that I will make a new year's resolution.  Because why not.  These things are all meant for us to better ourselves, and who can argue with that?  So what have I chosen as my resolution?  Well it certainly isn't exercise more (really, fuck exercise).  My diet sucks, but there is no chance whatsoever at changing that significantly.  Despite my horrid eating habits, I do not need to lose weight.  And I don't smoke (obviously).

Here it is:

Yell at my children less.

I unfortunately have a very short fuse when it comes to my beautiful children.  I love them more than life itself, and sadly that fact gets pushed to the back of my mind way too often as I find myself losing my temper at them, usually for petty things.  My daughter procrastinates, my son talks too much, and these habits (among others), while bad, are not bad enough to have earned the wrath that has come down on them.

Sure I'm chronically sleep deprived and of course I'm chronically faced with stress from my job, but those are no excuse whatsoever for some of the tantrums I've thrown at them.  They don't deserve to have me take out my ire on them.  Not only that, but Mrs. Bastard gets scared whenever I yell, and that isn't remotely fair to her.  I've never cursed at them, and I've never hit them.  NEVER.  But there has been too much yelling, very little of it actually warranted.

So there it is, my new year's resolution, one I may actually keep.  All resolutions are supposed to be important, but this one especially is.  My children deserve better of me.

I had thought about "Eat fewer doughnuts" as my resolution, but I just ate two.

Mmmmm . . . doughnuts.

32 comments:

  1. As an adult who is, I assume, a bit older than you are, trust me when I say your resolution is one worth the effort. I grew up with one parent who was a yeller, a slammer of doors, and prone to insulting us kids. By the time I was 12 or so I learned to completely tune that parent out, and dismiss what may have been legitimate complaints as nothing more than another tantrum. Quit screaming at your kids and I'll quit smoking my 8 ciggies a day.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Please don't misunderstand me - I don't yell all the time, not even close to every day. It's just...more often that I should.

      Regardless, you've got a deal.

      Delete
  2. Just thought id let you know doc youve got a typoat the start of sentence number 3. Or BI could be wrong ands some newfangled slang amongst doctors. But BI dgress

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  3. I am a nanny for a sweet two year old boy whom I have been with since birth. Some days he is an angel baby, some days he is... Two lol. I have found that when it comes to behavior modification, it is absolutely all about my choice in attitude. I remind myself that I have been on the planet for 30 years, compared to his two. You got this Doc!

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    Replies
    1. I thought you meant that some days he's like handling two boys, but then I realized you meant his age. But I suppose either or both could apply. :)

      Delete
    2. Lol-- you are so right! Either could totally apply! He's a good boy but man... sometimes he stretches my patience thin. :)

      Delete
  4. Awww, poor Bastard! The fact that you feel bad for yelling at your little Bastards shows your heart's in the right place. That's an excellent resolution & an easy one to keep. Just get up tomorrow, look your beautiful babies in the eyes over breakfast & tell them that Daddy promises he will not yell at them again unless the house is on fire. Or a bear is about to pounce on them. And make sure Mrs. Bastard is there to witness it -- she will definitely hold you to it.

    Then, the next time your kids are playing catch with your Olympic medal or climbing the living room drapes to do graffiti on your ceiling, remember your promise. Calmly exit the room, get your stash box, got out on the balcony/patio & have a few tokes. If you don't have a stash of good pot, Get One, tonight! Nobody even thinks about yelling at anyone after a couple of hits of OG Kush.

    I do hope you're off from work tonight, Doc. If not, then I hope you'll have a GSW, car accident, knife wound free night. I wish you, your family & all the folks here a peaceful & prosperous year in 2017. If you're drinking, don't drive! If you're driving, don't drink!

    Yours truly will be having a grown-ups slumber party with my old man, a handful of friends/family, his dog, my cat, lots of great food & adult beverages. Before & after the ball drop, we'll be running a marathon of the complete 6 seasons of THE WIRE in between dancing & singing all the 2016 hits. I am been practicing my Hotline Bling moves in between chopping onions & peppers for the Moqueca. It's tickles me that one of the hottest young rappers in the business made old man dance moves cool this year.

    After the Dump debacle & all the other miseries of 2016, I am deeply grateful to God to be a healthy, educated Black American woman with no family members in prison, no one I love suffering from AIDs or cancer & able to ring in the New Year with people who love me. I hope all of you are just as fortunate in 2017.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I have to say I have not broken a New Year's resolution for around 20 years, now.

    that said, it would probably be beneficial for me to yell a bit less. it worries the dog.

    but no resolutions. I'm not about to break my resolution to not make new year's resolutions, now, am I?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. note: I yell at the computer, not at the wife or the dog.

      Delete
  6. Happy New Year dear DocBastard & to all of the lovely folks that contribute to my favorite place on the interwebs! I love you guys! My resolution is to yell more, I don't do it nearly enough!

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  7. Happy New Year to all of you! Hard to believe it's 2017!
    No resolutions for me.

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  8. Great resolution Doc! My dad (rest his soul) was a screamer, too! He used to scare the pants off me!

    ReplyDelete
  9. I'm not usually one for making resolutions either. However every year since 2014, I try to make a big effort ~that I'm not totally in control of~ to not end up having another surgery again.
    Happy New Year to the Bastard family.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. good luck.

      and if your luck goes bad ask for doc B and see how many of the staff recognize the name.

      Delete
  10. I have the same resolution for my two girls. That, and spend more time playing with them.

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  11. you seem angry. it comes through on your blog and on twitter. oh you are funny as hell (??), but you also seem angry.

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    Replies
    1. I'm not angry at all in real life. This is all just my online persona that I have created in order to fool you.

      Or is it . . .

      Delete
  12. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  13. While not a "resolution" per se, I am trying to follow the wisdom of Rosebud, the basselope in Bloom County: Wag more, bark less.

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  14. "Studies show that people who exercise regularly live 6 years longer than those who don't, but they spend those 6 years exercising (see statistic on statistics above). So fuck exercise."

    I love this. Absolutely love it. I love it even more because a doctor wrote it.

    ReplyDelete
  15. This is one of mine, too! Along with "drink more water"

    ReplyDelete
  16. Only resolution I've made is to stop yelling at the computer when it does something frustrating. It doesn't solve the problem, and it doesn't help produce a solution, it just annoys everyone around me.

    Well, can't say that's the only resolution, but I feel it's the only one that's going to stay for very long. I've got annoying neighbors, and it's all too tempting to let off an earth-shattering belch at oh-dark-thirty because someone's had their rap music on at wtf-o-clock. So my resolution to not do any more loud and obnoxious belches was broken exactly 2 minutes after January 2.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Yelling is the new hitting, as I've heard it

    I find the most important thing is to respect children as you would adults or dare I say patients. It's easy to yell at people you think are beneath you, or otherwise not deserving of respect. You think lots of your patients are dumb and they do things much worse like drunk driving, but I bet you don't yell at them.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Comparing my patients to my children is stupid, and expecting me to treat them the same is stupid. I take great offence to your tone. You have no idea how I treat my children, nor how much I love them. And I strongly object to your implication that I think my children are beneath me or that I somehow don't respect them, because nothing is further from the truth. How dare you.

      Delete
  18. Anonymous,

    Yelling is the new hitting? That is the most ridiculous assumption I have ever heard. Good lord.

    And though I am not a parent, I have been a teacher/nanny of young children for over a decade and I know damn well that making assumptions and veiled accusations about people's parenting methods is inappropriate and unnecessary.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Melissa. However, make no mistake, anon's comment was not veiled in any way. It was an outright accusation.

      Delete
  19. Parenting is hard enough without people being critical of each other.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Parenting a parent is hard. My New Year's resolution is to have more patience with my father who is in the early stages of Alzheimer's.

      Delete
    2. Oh! That is hard! Surround yourself with supportive people... I am so sorry you're dealing with that. :/

      Delete
  20. Happy New Year Doc and family and good luck with your resolution.

    Mine is one i have kept for many years, It is to make at least one person smile each day. (even if it makes them smile by my not retaliating to their stupidity or hatred)

    ReplyDelete

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