Thursday, 15 December 2016

DocBastard's Translation Guide

There are innumerable great things about being a doctor, and specifically about being a trauma surgeon.  I get to save lives, work with great people, work with my hands, and share stupendously stupid stories with you fine people.  But sadly it isn't all rainbows and butterflies.  Unfortunately there are downsides.  There are several downsides to trauma, including being away from my family and babysitting drunk idiots, but by far the worst aspect is talking to people.

I may not have mentioned it here (or not lately), but generally speaking, people suck.  A lot.  People lie, do stupid things, drive recklessly, are irresponsible, and don't know how to communicate so they resort to poking other people with sharp stabby things.  I realise full well that I have a job that requires me to take care of these people who suck, but they suck nevertheless.

What irritates me the most is how everyone lies.  Ok, perhaps not everyone, just . . . most everyone.  And it usually isn't just one lie, but rather a string of lies that progressively builds on itself.  Fortunately I've heard pretty much every lie out there, so I can not only detect it, but also translate it into the truth.

This post is mainly intended for others in the medical field, but perhaps non-medical-types may still find it instructive.

Without further ado, here is DocBastard's Complete Trauma Translation Guide.

Lie: I've only had two drinks.
Truth: I can't remember how many drinks I had because I lost count back when I was vomiting on my shoes.

Lie: No, I don't do drugs.
Truth: I smoked weed 5 minutes ago, 2 hours ago, 6 hours ago, and if you hand me my pants, I'll fire one up right now.

Lie: I don't know who stabbed me.
Truth: I know exactly who stabbed me, but if I tell you, he'll be arrested and I won't be able to exact my revenge when I get the hell out of here.

Lie: I'm allergic to ibuprofen, acetaminophen, and aspirin.
Truth: I ran out of heroin, and saying "Ow" is the easiest way to score some narcotics.

Lie: I haven't used heroin in 6 months.
Truth: I used heroin 6 minutes ago.

Lie: Those aren't track marks on my arm.
Truth: Those are track marks on my arm.

Lie: I have fibromyalgia.
Truth: I'm addicted to Percocet.  Please give me some.  {Note: No disrespect intended to people who actually have fibro, but plenty of disrespect to all the fakers.}

Lie: I ran out of my blood pressure medicine a week ago.
Truth: I have no idea what blood pressure medicine I take and I don't give a fuck, so I haven't taken it in a year.

Lie: I don't know why I jumped out of the car.
Truth: I don't remember why I jumped out of the car because I'm soooooo high.

Lie: I wasn't wearing a helmet because they can cause more harm in an accident.
Truth: I wasn't paying attention in science class, so I don't understand the spread and absorption of kinetic energy.

Lie: That packet of white powder that you just found in my ass isn't mine.  I'm just holding it for a friend.
Truth: I can't think of a better lie right this second.

Lie: So there I was cleaning my bedroom in the nude, and I slipped and fell on the dildo, and that's how it got stuck in my ass. One-in-a-million shot!
Truth: You know exactly what happened.

Lie: This is the first time I've ever driven drunk.
Truth: I don't remember all the other times I've driven drunk.

Lie: This is the last time I'll ever drive drunk.
Truth: Until next time. 

Lie: This was my first time trying PCP.
Truth: Name a drug, any drug.  Yeah, I've tried it.  That one too.  Aaaand that one. 

Lie: There's no way I could be pregnant.
Truth: I have unprotected sex all the time. {Thanks to ndenunz for the reminder.}

Lie: I don't know why he shot me.
Truth: I created and/or put myself into a dangerous situation where I might get shot.

Lie: I ran out of Percocet and I can't get to my pain doctor for another week.  I just need a few to get me by.
Truth: This is the truth, and I know you aren't supposed to give me more, but I'm hoping you'll take pity on me. 

Lie: Yes I was wearing my seatbelt, so I have no idea how my face hit the windscreen.
Truth: I didn't even know my car had a seatbelt.

{EDIT: Thanks to Janel for these next three:}
Lie: I am NOT drunk!
Truth: Sure I'm drunk, just not as drunk as I usually get on Saturday nights. 

Lie: I just ran out of my blood pressure medication! I'll die without it! 
Truth: I haven't been compliant in months, and I just realized I'm out. 

Lie: I'm going on vacation, so I need my oxycodone filled early
Truth: I took them all already and my doc's pushover and gave me another prescription, so fill it. 

Lie: I just need a 10-pack of insulin syringes. They're for my grandma. 
Truth: I'll be shooting up in the parking lot.

There you have it.  I know there are more lies I'm forgetting, so I hope you folks can help fill in the gaps. 

And that's the truth. 

84 comments:

  1. lie #1: I have built the habit of asking if they have had more than usual to drink.

    also since the legalization of medical pot, I have had people admit to using pot.

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  2. allergic to aspirin, acetomenophen, etc.

    here, it is oxycontin they ran out of.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Lie: There's no way I could be pregnant.
    Truth: I have unprotected sex all the time.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. alternate lie: I'm not sexually active.

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    2. I knew I'd forget that. I'll add it.

      Delete
    3. @Ken
      Truth - I'm not sexually active, (i just lie there counting cobwebs/channel surfing over her shoulder)

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  4. recent x-ray:
    Is there any chance you might be pregnant?

    Me: God, I hope not. But on the off chance that I am, could you please use the amount of x-ray radiation to create an embryonic superhero? I'll settle for a super villain, but only if it's self funded.

    Motorcycle accident a while back - they asked me about drugs and alcohol - said I didn't do drugs, hadn't been drinking. They asked about LOC, I said no, didn't even hit my head. They were stunned when tests confirmed I wasn't on anything and wasn't drinking. They ere equally stunned when they couldn't find a single mark on my helmet. Still threw the helmet away and bought a new one just like you're supposed to after any crash, but remember the stunned look on their face. Honesty must be about as popular in the ER to doctors even when police are not around as it is with lawyers and their clients.

    My personal favorite lie in the criminal legal field - "these are not my pants" I am amazed at how many people are wearing other people's pants, and not bothering to wonder about the stuff in the pockets, especially when it comes to needles and guns and the like.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I LOVE your response on the X-ray. LOL

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    2. My usual retort to the "is there any chance you could be pregnant?" line is "Well, if I am, get ready to see three wise men coming from the east bearing gifts, because it might not be a virgin birth, but it's damn sure an immaculate conception!"

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  5. I have watched a lot of episodes on tv of "cops". One lie that gets me is when drugs are found in the car they all say " I have no idea how that got in my car"
    Mary

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  6. One of my least-favorite things, post transplant, is that I'm not allowed to have NSAIDs. So when I say I'm not allowed to have them to ER guys who aren't familiar with transplant, they roll their eyes and make me feel like a crazy drug seeker! But I'm not, really!!! Really!!! I wish I could have them, too!
    This list is great, though, and so true.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm never sure what to do about this one either. I'm on a blood thinner - no NSAIDs. Enough acetaminophen to do any good gives me bad diarrhea. When I was in hospital recently because of a horseback riding accident, I had no effective pain relief. Didn't dare to say anything, and they never once asked.

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    2. no NSAIDS is not uncommon enough to cause suspicion. when you add no acetaminophen, and there is no obvious injury, it makes us suspicious. when they say "I'm allergic to everything but XXXXX" the alarm bells go off.

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  7. As for #2, what are those of us who don't use drugs supposed to answer?

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  8. 14 year old girl "I can't be pregnant, I never had sex" truth...well she was crowning at the time.

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    Replies
    1. Well, she might never have had *vaginal* sex--apparently a lot of teenagers, and a fair number of foolish adults, think that as long as you stick to anal, you're sale. Unfortunately, ejaculate has that unfortunate tendency to, well, dribble, and gravity is a universal law--I hear the resulting pregnancies are sometimes known as "splash" pregnancies. Even mutual masturbation isn't completely safe--all it takes is one determined sperm to get close enough to the vagina, and, well, you know the rest. (There's also the notion afoot, at least in certain extremely-religious-and-loud-about-it groups, that one is still a virgin as long as actual penis-in-vagina intercourse hasn't occurred; everything else "doesn't count," so girls will let the guys have oral or anal sex with them as a means of virginity preservation. Some people...)

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    2. I meant "safe," not "sale"...damn not having an edit function, grumblebitchmoan...

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  9. I have to admit, as much as I enjoy reading this blog this is the first time I've ever been moved to comment. Your lie/truth about fibro is one of my biggest hurdles in receiving treatment, because when doctors hear fibro it translates to drug seeking, and while I certainly understand that it is frequently faked, it still drives me insane. In order to protect the fact that I have never been labelled drug seeking, so that I can probably get care should I ever be in a dire situation, I will not go to any kind of urgent care for help with my symptoms. It really only takes one doctor to tune out after the word fibro,to make access to pain, and symptom management so much more difficult. So while I certainly understand the cynicism, it is very disheartening to be afraid to ask for help because of it. I certainly mean no disrespect to you or your blog, just a view from the other side.

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    Replies
    1. I fully understand. I have made this point before, as have others, whenever I have mentioned fibromyalgia. I meant no disrespect to those with it, just to those who fake it.

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    2. I don't have fibro so this is just curiosity, Doc. How do you tell the people who really have it and need help from the fakers?

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    3. You don't. There is no test for it, no way to confirm.

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    4. I have M.E and it's the same.
      Some days are good, most days are bad and some are plain horrible.
      Pan relief, in my case tramadol 100mg prolonged slow release isn't doing anything so next week i go back to my doctor and play the what haven't we tried yet/ do i want to start on my last lot again and do i want to go back to the kapake 30/500 x 8, the codeine 30mg x 3 and up the dose on the amitryptylin 50mg x 1.
      Every so often we play musical meds until they don't work and i then go onto the next batch in my vicious little cycle.

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    5. So OK Doc, when someone comes in claiming to have fibro, since you cannot test for it, do you assume they are lying and put them in your list, or do you assume they are telling the truth and treat them?

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    6. It depends how they act and what they say. If they say "I need my Percocet", I assume they're lying. If they say "I try not to take pain medicine", I assume they're telling the truth.

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    7. to be more clear on the tests, there are tests that help doctors confirm the mystery ailment is fibro - but there aren't tests that prove the mystery ailment exists.

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    8. "Fun" fact: Morgan Freeman apparently has fibromyalgia.

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    9. I have fibro and it always mystifies me that people would go to to A and E for it. when I'm having a flare up I want to be in my pjs in my comfy bed watching a movie, not sitting on a hard plastic chair surrounded by bleeding, coughing, puking people. sitting in a waiting room chair is my definition of torture.

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    10. I (much like the original poster) have always enjoyed this blog- but have never commented til now. I too have Fibro (and several other painful issues including Peripheral Neuropathy and partially Herniated Discs) but because of the idiots that fake pain in order to drug seek it means I get treated like a drug addict the few times I have ended up in an ER in atrocious pain- usually because my own doctor was mysteriously not available for more than a few days for whatever reason and some of the multiple (about 9 total) daily meds I take to be functional had run out.

      It also means that the doctors in those ERs usually give you the run around, treat you like dirt, and then just give you a script for a handful of Tylenol with Codeine (not much help) and send you on your way with instructions to call your doctor (do they think my first choice was spending 4 hours being treated like dog sh** scraped off their shoe was my FIRST or even SECOND choice?!).

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    11. Wow, I'm late on commenting on this thread, but here it goes..Is there really no diagnostic testing to be done?
      I took a class this semester called the Psychology of Pain that was given by a member of the McGill Research Center for Pain. We learnt that while fibromyalgia is considered by many to be a "mystery disease", there are very real neurological/nociceptive changes.
      To name a few examples, fibromyalgics display increased windup (Staud, Arthritis Res., 2006), decreased conditioned pain modulation (aka DNIC) (Chalaye et al, Pain, 2014), and it is possible that fibromyalgia is a small fibre neuropathy; they have a 20% reduction of free nerve ending density (Oaklander et al., Pain, 2013).
      Also, how can you tell if it's fibro and not something else? There's so much overlap between idiopathic pain conditions that it seems as though patients are diagnosed as having whatever their specialist is most familiar with (gastroenterologist = IBS; vestibulodynia = gynecologist; fibromyalgia = rheumatologist)!

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  10. Following up on the "I don't know why he shot me" scenario...

    Responding officer interviewing gunshot victim in hospital: "Do you know anyone who might have had reason to do this?"

    Victim: "Hell no. Why would anyone want to shoot ME?"

    R.O.: "Well, can you think of anyone who was angry at you for any reason? Or have you been involved with any street gangs, or hanging around with friends who are?"

    Victim: "No way. I never took up with any of that shit."

    Truth: The teen/young man is already wearing a hospital gown (victim is always stabilized and treated *before* police do an interview). He forgets that the R.O. can clearly see the gang tattoos prominently displayed on both arms.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. follow up lie: "those aren't gang tattoos, I just thought they looked cool"

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  11. As a vet, I was treating a puppy brought in with a sore stomach, refusal to eat, intermittent coughing/gagging, and lethargy. After the exam I told her the little guy would be fine. Her pup had what was unofficially called "garbage gut." I thought he had eaten something that wouldn't hurt him, and would pass. I suggested she put up garbage pails, toys, and anything the pup could get into. She lost it. She was furious that I would insinuate her home wasn't spotless and she didn't take care of her pet. Just as she was starting on how she would never darken my doors again because of my shoddy diagnostic skills, the little guy made a terrible retching sound and threw up a Snickers wrapper, an apple core, and some coffee grounds. Timing is everything.

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    Replies
    1. I love this one! Did you manage not to smirk at the owner of the dog? I would not have been able to resist the temptation of raising one eyebrow while suppressing a smile.

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    2. In all fairness, puppies and dogs can be amazingly clever at getting into even covered garbage cans, although in this case the owner does sounds like a unpleasant individual to begin with. (I once thought one of my cats had eaten a foam rubber earplug and was on the phone panicking to the vet's office when she suddenly decided to spit it out...thanks for giving Mom heart failure, Jezebel...)

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  12. I take Percocet for lower back pain and sciatica only as a last resort. Opiates make me itch fiercely and I have to be in some serious pain before I decide to take one. Honestly, the itching drives me mad and sometimes I would rather do without. I don't know how addicts stand it.

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    Replies
    1. I think it doesn't itch for them or something. I agree, it's close to intolerable.

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    2. correct. I've used percocet (as directed, not recreationally) in the past, and did not have itching.

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    3. Had my wisdom teeth out 7 years ago when doctors were handing out opiates like candy. Got a bottle of Oxycontin. I still can't figure out why they would be addictive. All they did was make me feel sleepy.

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    4. I had a sigmoid colectomy back in 1999 due to extensive diverticulosis, which they rarely see in those under 40 (because sometimes heredity sucks like that--got it from my dad, who got it from his mom, who got it from her dad...), and got to have my first experience with hardcore hospital opiates and PCA, or patient-controlled analgesia, where I got to hit the button for more morphine up to every 6 minutes. I decided after this that, if heroin was anything at all like hospital drugs, then I wasn't at all interested--not that I was before, mind you, but this confirmed my lack of interest--because all it did was make me sleepy, sweaty, and stupid...REALLY stupid.

      Fade in to: me, lying in my hospital bed, two days post-surgery, having had most of my guts taken out, juggled, sliced-and-diced, and then what was left reinstalled. It's 8 a.m. on a lovely summer day, and I'm lying there, TV remote in my hand, so stoned I'm damn near drooling, watching the Teletubbies because someone left the TV on the local public television station (WGBH here in Boston), and I'm far too stoned to changed the channel. Approximately 98% of my brain is turning into a big gooshy puddle and thinking, "Hey...this is kinda cute...why don't I watch this more often?" while the still coherent 2% remaining, looking suspiciously like Lou Reed in jeans, a leather jacket, and shades, is leaning up against the wall, arms crossed and shaking its head, muttering "Duuude...this is *fucked up*!!!" (Yes, I did actually think all of that simultaneously, so maybe I wasn't as messed up as I thought, or maybe my warped sense of humor never deserted me in spite of being more baked than a stadium full of Deadheads in the mid-1970s. Whatever...) So yeah, I've just never understood why people take opiates for fun; as far as I'm concerned, they're only for pain relief, and then only until whatever's wrong can be handled with Tylenol or ibuprofen.

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  13. I look like a completely normal upper-middle class lady. I wear nice jewelry and clothes that are not tattered and I'm clean. So when I say I don't do drugs and never have they tend to believe me.

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    Replies
    1. If the press are to believed, it's surprising the number of resepctable business people and housewives/husbands etc who are hooked these days.

      You only look like an addict if you have an addiction that you can't afford!

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  14. I'm turning 30 in a month and a half... And I've never consumed alcohol, smoked cigarettes, nor taken any drugs... (non prescribed, at least). I've been around people who do, but it's never appealed to me. Amusingly enough, I'm employed to take drunk people and their cars home, so they don't drink and drive...

    I also get a chuckle every time a doctor asks me "Could you be pregnant?" and I either respond "Well, if I am, I'd have to change my name to Mary..." or "Does pregnancy usually last for over 5 years?" Because believe it or not, some of us don't go out and sleep with everything that moves.... Shocking, I know!

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    Replies
    1. LOL, that Mary response is one I have used but in my case pregnancy would have to last for 16 years! :O

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  15. I also favor a drug and alcohol free lifestyle.
    if people choose to recreate responsibly, that is their choice, but the concept of altering my reactions to the world for fun just does not compute for me.

    bonus lie "I can quit any time I want"
    truth: "I will never want to quit"

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  17. You would love me in your ER. I would beg you not to give me opiates or tramadol. I have severe reactions to all opiates and tramadol gives me an entire body histamine reaction. Ibuprofen is my pain relief drug of choice.

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    Replies
    1. My mother is the same- she was in the ER for what they thought was a heart problem or potentially a blood clot in the lung (it ended up as neither and she's fine)- and she was in a LOT of pain and they kept trying to push her to have some morphine but she kept refusing- finally I asked if she could get a Tylenol. They were reluctant as they were pretty sure it would do nothing but about 30 min after she took it she was passed out asleep (which is what Tylenol usually does to her). She is such a light weight!

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  18. Sadly... I have the issue of morphine being completely useless in me. My body ignores it totally. I also have chronic kidney stones. So I get the joy of saying "please don't use morphine, any other pain med of your choice" and the joy of waiting in horrible pain while they try it because I must be lying. Thankfully over the years my local er docs have built a relationship with me so I rarely have to do that dance anymore... Unless its a new doc on rotation.

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    Replies
    1. while a lot of patient complaints are frivolous, that seems to me to be a valid reason to file a complaint.

      (and by frivolous I mean in the nature of "the broth needed more salt")

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    2. This is surely where medical notes and medical history should be able to shed some light - if you go to the same treatment centre more than once, they should be able to look up your medical history and see things like this without needing to rely on the memory of those you ineract with.

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    3. Or.....they could try believing the patient she he/she says that morphine is useless...

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    4. If there's one thing I've learned in my life it's that I can't correct somebody else's wrong thinking.

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    5. Once accused of lying or thought to be lying, people will almost always believe the accuser. When the person tries to defend themselves, usually they wont be believed even if what they say is true.

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  19. Jahi McMath has spontaneous respiration. https://www.facebook.com/keepJahiMcmathonlifesupport/?fref=ts

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    Replies
    1. I'm afraid my translation of this lie would get me banned from the site...

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    2. sissy.

      translation: "I want more money"

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    3. Heh heh, you're a much nicer person than me, Ken!

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    4. This is good news.

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    5. okay, translation: "I don't know WTF I am talking about but I can shoot video of blinky lights on the vent and pretend they mean my dead child isn't dead."

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    6. We don't really know.

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    7. except, of course, we do, because there are people who DO understand the blinky lights,

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    8. Mama nails shot cell phone video of the ventilator that is pumping air into her brain dead daughter, and said the readings indicated the daughter is alive.
      people who know what the readings actually mean confirmed that is a lie.

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    9. Let's keep comments on-topic, please.

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    10. Doc, we're maybe telling you that you need yet another Jahi McMath thread so we can blow off more steam. :)

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    11. I'm not sure about that. nothing has really changed. I'm not sure if the newest video to hit facebook is actually current.

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  20. Hey, believe anything if it's supported by sound, reproducible evidence from several unbiased sources...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. alternately, you can safely assume anything published by a known liar is a lie.

      Delete
  21. a couple from the other end of the ambulance ride:
    I had a couple drinks.
    trans: I stopped counting at two.

    my pain level (scale of 1 to 10) is 11
    trans: I want drugs
    alt: I want to feel no pain

    my pain level is 6 or 7
    trans: this is the worst pain I can possibly imagine, but I dont want to seem weak.

    I was just resting
    trans: I don't remember the last 10 minutes of my life

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  22. This reminded me of the translations of engineer speak from bofh for some reason. Funny i've never made the connection before

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  23. One from my uncle.

    Me "how are you feeling?"
    Uncle as he is throwing up spectacularly in the bathroom "I'm fine just a bit of wind"

    me I'm calling an ambulance again (he was discharged that afternoon from hospital)

    Uncle "I'm fine really just a bit of travel sickness!"

    paramedic "how are you feeling?"

    Uncle looking like death warmed up "I'm fine i just got travel sick"

    Paramedic " we can't force him to go back in"

    Me "give me 5 mins and he will "

    Paramedic " he should be in but as he won't , you know what to do.

    He was readmitted the sunday night still claiming to be fine whilst throwing up everywhere and groaning and writhing in pain.

    he had a kidney abscess that kept him in for 5 weeks with drains all over the place and an interesting reaction to teicoplenin (embarrassed smurf covers it)

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  24. Ooh, will you take a couple from a pharmacy's point of view?

    Lie: I just ran out of my blood pressure medication! I'll die without it!
    Truth: I haven't been compliant in months, and I just realized I'm out.

    Lie: I'm going on vacation, so I need my oxycodone filled early.
    Truth: I took them all already and my doc's pushover and gave me another prescription, so fill it.

    Lie: I just need a 10-pack of insulin syringes. They're for my grandma.
    Truth: I'll be shooting up in the parking lot.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. At least your pharmacy's patients use the vacation excuse, our's just say "I dropped them in the sink/toilet, oops" as if they think we'd be dumb enough to give them more.

      Delete
  25. a new one:
    "I didn't shoot up opiates"
    translation: your narcan ruined my high.

    ReplyDelete
  26. Yeah, but the inquisitive looks I get when I answer "no, I am 43 and I've actually never done drugs of any kind, not once, not ever" when I have quite the extensive background medically speaking from muscular dystrophy, to a brain tumor, then the brain surgery then the emergency brain surgery two weeks after the first brain surgery to repair a leak in my dura after the machine malfunctioned and drained all of my cerebral spinal fluid out, on the bed I was almost lifeless in. Not to mention I have a medical professional background. But when you spend the last 15 years of your life being hospitalized for various things and 2 months in neuro ICU, I've been asked many times if I was a physician. No kid. Really.

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  27. ^^^^ basically I know real pain very well. And I pray I am never deemed in the medical system as a drug seeker. Because if I'm ever in an ER I actually, truly AM in pain. And Morphine gives me crushing chest pain every dang time within minutes and lasts a long time. But of course sometimes you always have that doctor that says let's just TRY it again - and then every time not only do I have the complaint I came in with, I shiver, and almost lose consciousness and cry due to the chest pain morphine gives me.

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    Replies
    1. our paramedics don't have that mental block. at least not the ones I cross paths with the most. we consider drug allergies to be important.

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  28. Really scratching my head for pain relief these days, now that there's research that says acetaminophen does little good (could have told them that), non-aspirin NSAIDs are dangerous for various reasons, and aspirin is out because I'm on a blood thinner. Even if I could get narcotics, I'm not going to take those and get on a horse. "Do not operate heavy machinery"...especially when it has a brain!

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  29. I'm allergic to Ibuprofen, family history of it.. grandma, aunts, mom, son can't use it without something swelling, something getting hives, or my personal favorite- bleeding from the ass as if your on your menses (my co-workers tried calling 911 when I politely asked them to cover me to get clothes and pads as they giggle about aunt Flo, as I explained that was not the case it turned to panic and horror).. I can do Tylenol. And I hate morphine, it's gross, like someone said above it makes you chest feel heavy, feels like your back has been stomped and someone has grabbed your back muscles and trying to pull them off you..

    They think my husband tries to score pain killers, oh he does like a champ.. But he has Popeye syndrome in both biceps, one of the muscles is bunched in his shoulder and the other is in the back of his bicep in a knot. And he broke a knee that a surgeon deemed him a cry baby on workmen's comp, and when he did the surgery he said he drilled 40 holes in to the husband's tibia and cleaned the foreign bodies out of the knee and scrapped the bones.. Husband wasn't allowed to walk for a year, and after two weeks he became a bitter twatwaffle..
    The Popeye syndrome surgery is going to take him out of work for 8 weeks and he is afraid that his arms will hurt him like his knee hurts and buckles, and makes him fall down which screwed his back up..

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    Replies
    1. I'm fortunate enough to not be sensitive to any of the common OTC meds; but I've found through experience that if I have a headache, already, naproxen makes it worse.

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    2. We have weird allergies, I'm allergic to silver sulfate. I'm allergic to silver and nickel jewelery, buttons on pants make my belly button area break out in hives, and I'm allergic to sulfur. My son is also allergic to sulfer. my oldest is allergic to penicillin. The stupid Ibuprofen allergy.. And at one point after 24 years of eating shellfish, I had a bad reaction to shellfish. It broke my heart when that happened, I was raised a fisherwoman, crabber, and clammer.

      I avoid most drugs and suffered with a migraine for two weeks before I gave in and went to the hospital, dislocated my shoulder slipping on ice, hurt so bad couldn't sleep for three days and I looked like the hunchback, when I did the ERdoc said morphine so we can put it back, I begged him not to give it to me because the morphine made pain worse.
      I had a gallbladder attack while I was pregnant, and that was a three day painfest, but I went right in because I started to spot heavily.

      I avoid hospitals, I don't like being touched by strangers, I don't do well with human contact and docs gotta touch everything to feel for themselves, so instead of crying because someone touched me, I would rather cry away the pain.

      Delete
    3. That's a tough twist.

      if it makes you feel better, I had a customer one night who suffered from idiosyncratic anaphalaxis. that's a fancy term for deathly allergic to random things.

      Delete
  30. I have worked in the ER for 5+ years, but these are the only ones popping up in my mind at 2 a.m.

    Lie: I have been waiting for an x-ray for over four hours
    Truth: You were triaged 4 minutes and 36 seconds ago

    Lie: I cannot walk! I need a wheelchair to get around
    Truth: I just wanted the wheelchair experience for fun

    Lie: I have never had surgery before
    Truth: I will remember to tell them I had one done at the OR table

    Lie: The nurses told me I can eat (pt waiting for surgical consult)
    Truth: Nobody said I can

    ReplyDelete

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