Tuesday, 7 February 2017

4

I have a very nice story about an incredibly stupid person (who is not my patient) who did something incredibly stupid that lead to his death, but it will have to wait.  In lieu of a stupid patient story, I'm going to have a little fun this week.  What kind of fun?  The kind that will make little sense to some of you at first but that most of my long-time readers will catch on to almost immediately:
  • If you were to stack 4 million 1 euro coins, it would reach 9.3 km (almost 6 miles) into the troposphere.
  • If you put 4 million 500 ml Coke bottles (no particular reason why I chose that particular bottle, of course) end to end starting in Copenhagen, Denmark, they would stretch 20km past Brussels, Belgium.
  • 4 million people signed a petition calling upon the UK government to hold a second referendum on Brexit.
  • If you had $4,000,000, you could buy an 800 square meter (8500 square feet) 5-bedroom, 7-bathroom mansion in Dallas, Texas and still have $10,000 left over to pay someone to clean it for a few months.
  • 4 million dollars was the budget for the movies Lost in Translation and Annie Hall.
  • 4 million is the approximate population of Panama.
  • The four millionth digit of pi is 0.
And if you had come to this stupid blog at this time last month, you would have been the four millionth visitor.  How is that even possible?  Who are you people and why do you keep coming here?  

In all seriousness, I know I've said it many times before, and I hope no one is surprised when I say it again:


No really, thank you.  If no one came here to read my stupid stories, then I would have no reason to keep writing them, I would have no outlet for the insane amounts of stress I endure, and I would probably be forced to move to a private island (Bastardia?) with no stupid people to addle my already-addled brain.  

As a little bonus (not that you asked), here are the top 10 countries that have provided me and my ego with viewers:
  • United States
  • Canada
  • UK
  • Australia
  • France
  • Germany
  • Russia
  • Ukraine
  • New Zealand
  • Singapore
To which I feel obligated to reply . . . really?  The first four don't surprise me one bit, but Russia?  Ukraine?  Singapore?
This past week India, South Africa, and Greece are in the top 10, and Holland appears in the top 10 in the past month.  Fascinating.

I'm literally in awe of every single one of you who has taken time out of your day to spend a little time with me over the past several years.  As I've hypocritically and humbly requested with my other milestone posts, please take a second and let me know where you're from and how you found me.  If you don't have an account and don't have the time to make one, then GO AWAY AND NEVER COME BACK.  

Just kidding.  Or am I?

In all seriousness though, thank you, everyone.  Thank you.  I'll see you at 5 million.

Best,
Doc

107 comments:

  1. Well, I'm Angelina Jolie (not my real name)©™ and you're welcome. Congratulations, Doc!

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  2. I'm a medical oncologist in northern California, and found you on Twitter. Misery loves company. For years I've not been amazed by stupid people, but by their sheer numbers and dedication to their cause.... Carry on!

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  3. Hi Doc! I'm from Mexico and I've been reading your posts for a few months now after spring you on Twitter.
    VVG

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  4. I'm from NZ, and found you via your witty comments on FML! :)

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  5. Ok I enjoy reading your rants / information.
    I am from Tasmania, Australia.
    Your Blog posts were linked in a comment in a facebook group, which I followed and kept returning to read more of your thoughts. (Not sure if it was T.A.V.S or Antivax wall of shame).

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  6. Seattle, WA Google search for trauma surgery blogs. Thanks, Doc!

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    Replies
    1. I am also from Seattle, Wa! The Internet is an amazing place.

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    2. I am also from Seattle, WA. The Internet I'd an amazing place!

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    3. I'm down the road in Oregon, howdy neighbors..

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  7. Doc, I've been reading you for a long time now, maybe since the beginning? I can't remember who linked to you first but I'd guess maybe Nurse K, god rest her blog. I hail from Huntsville, AL. Keep up the good work, both on screen and off.

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  8. Hi, Doc! I'm from Ireland and I've been checking in on a daily basis ever since I found you on FML years ago. Congrats on the 4m!

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  9. I'm a fire/rescue person from the Oregon coast, and I was referred by a friend in Germany, clear back when the Jahi McMath issue had only been going on for a year. (my, how time flies)

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  10. Hi Doc! Long time lurker here. I am a recent graduate from Miami. I found you on FML many eons ago. Keep up the great work!

    -Ney (will make an account soon)

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  11. United States, somewhere in Illinois. I think I detailed where I found you in either your 1 or 2, or maybe 3 million milestone, but... I discovered your blog through FML when I got curious about that mysterious object in the x-ray you had in your profile, only to find out that it was, indeed, a soda bottle someone shoved up their ass.

    Just stuck around ever since, because the stories are quite good.

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  12. Hi, Doc, I found you when Jahi McMath fiasco started. I don't remember how I found you, but I did. I live in Western Colorado. I thought I would be a doctor like you when I was a young kid. I planned my entire education from 4TH grade to a Chemistry degree with the intention of becoming a doctor. Then I worked in a huge hospital as a collector for the lab.I saw terrible,terrible, heartbreaking things during that job. That is when I realized I didn't have the personality to be a doctor. I became an accountant.I also have a tremendous amount of respect for people like you because my life and my loved ones lives have been saved by medical professional's efforts. I really enjoy reading medical stories. That is why I read your blog. You keep writing, I'll keep reading. Please stick to the medical stories and keep the politics to a minimum.

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  13. Denver, Colorado, USA.
    Been reading since Jahi's case...

    Congrats, Doc!

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  14. I'm from the Midwest in the US. I found you when I was arguing with someone over the Jahi McMath debacle, and I've been reading ever since. Thanks for this blog!

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  15. Bath, UK.
    Came to the blog with the intention of finding the story behind the FML profile pic, stayed because the whole thing is fantastic.

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  16. Hi Doc,
    I am from near Lincoln, England. I followed a link from: https://chronicleflask.com/. Well done!

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  17. Writing to you from Israel 🇮🇱 (where are we in the rankings?). Really enjoying every bit of this and hoping it continues on for a long time. I'm not actually sure how I started reading, but I have a feeling it might have been from a bunch of years ago, back when I was actively reading that stupid "FML" app. It was probably the bottle profile picture that drew my attention.

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    1. Seconded on Israel, also interested in the rankings - though I'll bet we're nearly dead last!

      I comment every now and then though, whenever I have something to say.

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  18. Hi, Doc! I'm from NJ (the southern part to be exact) and I found you from fml! I have a fascination with all things medical! why I didn't become a nurse or something is beyond me!

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  19. I'm a train and computer geek living in Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada... enjoy your stories very much and here's to the next 4 million.

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  20. I'm from Canada and I found you through FML way back when.

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  21. Hi! I've been reading your blog for a while. Love from Las Vegas, Nevada ~<3

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  22. Just outside Atlsnta, GA. I stmbled upon your blog by Googling "stupid patient stories," late one night, needing a break in my studying for my BSN. I've now graduated and passed boards and am about to start work as an RN in the local Hospital's ICU. I'm sure I'll have my own stories very soon!

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  23. Reading from Melbourne Australia, came across the blog when trying to figure out the Jahi McMath debacle. Follow on Twitter too. Keep up the good work!

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  24. Hey doc. Been here for quite a while(I don't remember how long), quietly reading your entries. I live in NYC and I found you through FML. Your stories are the best! Keep on growing <3

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  25. Austin, Texas here. I found you a year or so ago when I Googled Jahi McMath.

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  26. I am a home health nurse in Northern California. I found your blog when I was searching the Jahi case. This is the only blog I follow, I read all the posts.

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  27. Woohoo! Awesome Doc! Stoked that NZ is on there as well. This kiwi has been reading your blog for I don't even know how many years now. Somewhere near the beginning. Always a fantastic, hilarious read!

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  28. Originally English, now not entirely sure. Found you randomly via Twitter one day and never looked back. Just tweeted a courtesy graphic that I've "fixed" for the idiot Chiropracter who has the audacity to call himself "doctor"

    If anyone needs hunting down, it's the assholes that call themselves doctor and practise this laughable quackery, leaving patients suffering, dying and with less money.

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  29. Reporting in from Colorado. I found you during the Jahi rants. Congrats on the milestone!

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  30. I'm a nurse of 31 years, emergency and ICU. Horrified by the Jahi McMath situation,found you right in the middle of the legal fiasco and appreciated your realistic information. And as a veteran of trauma room shenanigans, I relate to your observations and experiences.

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  31. San Bruno, CA.somehow thanks to Jahi McMath

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  32. I am a developer Brazil, i found about you on FML a few years back.

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  33. Found you on a search when I had pneumonia - and so did Mrs. B. I've read the blog at least once from the Holy See.

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  34. Hi Doc! I'm an ER nurse in the States and I was referred to your blog by my good friend in Denmark. Been reading since the glorious Homeopathy days. Congrats on 4m and many more to come!

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  35. Actually Bastardia sounds like it could be damn fun! And in all honesty, the thanks goes out to you for sharing your various stories even though sometimes you may be too exhausted to even turn on the computer. I, like many others, began following you when the Jahi McMath issue began and continue to do so - from Kansas City, Missouri - Karen.

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  36. I am from not so sunny southern CA, 4 miles west of the big blue and 6 miles south of that big international airport LAX. Found you when Jahi started. Kept on here and Twitter because you're wise and funny and dedicated to your craft.

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  37. Hey Doc from Los Angeles and i started reading sometime around when you posted that story about that old lady who had the flesh eating parasite (i know thats not what its really called but you get the idea, and its the earliest one i can remember) I discovered your blog through your great comments on FMl.com before it went down in quality.
    Connor

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  38. I'm Nancy from California. Been reading your blog since Jahi died.

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  39. San Jose, CA. No idea how I found your blog, but you're welcome. Now would you please hurry up with your next post? Sincerely, A. Fan

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  40. I've followed this blog since day one, having migrated over from FML. I've also read your blog in different locations around the world:

    Seattle
    Savannah, GA
    London
    Washington DC (current location)

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  41. Hi Doc! I live in North Carolina by way of Washington DC. I found you on FML and I was reading your blog when you hit a million views. Thank you for sharing your stories with us- they always make me laugh. On a more personal note, thank you for your kindness and support during a tragedy in my family's life. I appreciated it more than you could know.

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  42. North Carolina U.S.A. Housewife, and I've been reading so long I can't remember how I found you or this 'stupid' blog. But I do have a professional history of being a former firefighter and E.M.T.
    You're welcome, I've enjoyed it.

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  43. I found this place from the Jahi story too. I'm still shocked that she hasn't been unplugged. But 4 mil reads is a Very Big Deal, Doc! So the least you can do is reward your loyal fan base by letting us know what freakin' continent you're on! Not the actual country, just the continent for cryin' out loud.

    I never thought you were a Yank because some of the spellings you use aren't American. At first I thought you're in Canada, but it seems like you're had more than a few GSW cases & those are rare in Canada. Ditto for Australia. But I can't believe you're in Latin America or an African country. My old man & I actually played a drinking game one night trying to guess where Doc Bastard is located. (We both won.)

    In any case, I wish you continued success. Maybe you can parlay all those hits into a deal to consult on a tv series. Lord knows the medical shows on American tv all suck now. The best shows are all on cable & the internet, but none of them are medical dramas. And with the ACA about to be repealed, healthcare is about to become very dramatic for a lot of Americans. Seeing ER cases portrayed from a non-American perspective could make for a helluva tv show.

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  44. I'm from Southern California, and have been reading since I followed your profile link on FML. You help reaffirm my opinion that yes, most of the world is crazy and/or stupid, and the rare gems stand out. You're an intelligent, funny and obviously talented man who is also an excellent writer. I'll most likely still be here well past 5M.

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  45. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  46. A discussion after an article in People magazine about Jahi's death led me here. Too bad that was only last year. But within a couple of days I'd read the whole blog. Thanks for a lot of LOLs and SMHs and knowledge gained.

    Greetings from Hamburg, Germany
    Softship

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  47. American living in SEAsia, found you via FML mid-2012/early 2013. Came for the sass and weird xrays, stayed for the sass and weird patients.

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  48. My name's Sarah and I live in Ontario, Canada! We've actually emailed back and forth a few times. I've been your fan for... roughly two years now? Hard to tell. I first saw you on FML and thought you were hilarious. Months later I noticed the URL on your profile and it brought me here.

    I also follow you on Twitter and occasionally ask you questions~!

    Much love, keep up the awesome and captivating writing and saving stupid people from themselves!

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  49. Med student from Germany here. I found you on FML ages ago. Your blog has accompanied me through almost all of med school. Keep up the awesome humour and writing style - thank you for the stories!

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  50. I'm from New Jersey. Did a lot of research a few years ago on brain death in halacha (Jewish law), a topic of MAJOR controversy among parts of the Jewish spectrum, and as far as I can figure out, the reason why New Jersey's laws permit Jahi McMath's body to continue to exist here. Found you by googling poor Jahi.

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  51. Hi Doc! I'm a computer scientist from the Netherlands. I found your blog through FML and I can't get enough of it. It's hilarious, enlightening and it makes me very glad to see someone get passionate about bad science. On a personal note, your blog made me finally stop burying my head in the sand and face my obesity. It had never occurred to me that it would pose a challenge in the event of surgery. So, six months ago I made a complete overhaul of my eating habits and am slowly but surely approaching normal weight. Thank you for that!

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  52. Hi, my son noticed you on FML comments and then told me to read your blog. We've been keeping up ever since. We live in Minneapolis, Minnesota.

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  53. Hello from Japan!
    Fml years ago. I've shared your blog with almost all my friends! One of them still wants to go to med school tho (in the U.S.). (:

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  54. You're probably bored with me replying to these posts by now - it was nearly 5 years ago (April 2012 IIRC), back before you hit the half-mil' that I stalked you here from FML.

    Still reading from central London. Still enjoying every post - here's to another 5 great years! Keep it up Doc'

    Ugi

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  55. Southern California and FML, I think. Been a reader of medical blogs since forever.

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  56. Silicon Valley, CA. I found you through a friend's post on Facebook about 2 years ago. I have a lot of respect and admiration for anybody in the (actual) medical profession, and I really enjoy your stories and/or rants.

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  57. Chalk up another loyal reader who found your blog while searching for a sane overview of the Jahi McMath debacle, and stayed for the great medical stories. Liberal arts dweeb from San Francisco, CA. Thanks for all the great posts!

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  58. Congratulations to the 4million readers / reads.
    I'm from Germany and found your blog years ago via procrastination with FML and your awesome comments there 😊 keep it up! (But I have to admit: I kind of got being reading with all the Jahi posts)

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  59. I'm from the United States, Pennsylvania more specifically. I found your blog over 2 years ago through FML

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  60. Hi Doc. I'm from a currently pissing down with rain town called Corby, in Northants (Little Scotland as an interesting titbit)
    Congrats on your 4 millionth visitor.
    I would hang out bunting and stuff buit since it is pissing down, i'll pass on that.

    I found you like many others at the start of the Jahi Debacle, i think it was just after i got tossed and banned by their dacebook page for stating the bleedin' obvious.

    Probably after someone posted asking how Jahi was doing and i replied "Still dead"

    Good luck with the next 4 million, keep up with the stories of just how dumb folk can be , they tickle my decidedly warped sense of humor

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  61. I've been reading your blog since almost forever (I think you had under 10 stories posted when I followed you here from FML) and I live in Austria.

    Congratulations on 4 million visits! Keep being you and keep writing awesome stories about your stupidest patients and the strange life choices that landed them in your work place!

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  62. A few years ago I was searching google for something and found your blog . I enjoy reading it , have learned a lot . I live in Eden Prairie Minnesota .

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  63. Fresno California
    I'm an ER NP.
    I follow you because your rants make me laugh and I completely identify with everything that irritates you!
    Keep em coming!

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  64. Greater Boston, MA area; not quite sure how I got here, although it may have involved a FaceBook link, and I suspect, like so many, that it had something to do with poor Jahi. *sigh* And now I'm wondering what kind of stupid person's stupid activity that led to a stupid death could end up being a nice story...

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  65. Emily (actually my real name) from Tennessee, USA. I have no idea how I got here but I think I was googling Darwin award stories.

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  66. Loyal reader here from Queensland, Australia! Been with you from what feels like the beginning, found you on FML and our friendship blossomed from there. I check in weekly for new posts, your insanity keeps my sanity in check :)

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  67. In Oklahoma here. My wife found your blog about the time we were dating still, so about 5 years ago? I think? I don't know, I'm bad with time.

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    1. In OK too. Found Doc during the Jahi McMath ordeal

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  68. Kentucky,USA Started reading your blog during the Jahi McMath ordeal.

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  69. Hey Doc, Peruvian here about to start an MD/PhD program in Ohio. Found you on FML FOREVER ago and have been reading diligently ever since. Thanks for all the laughs and serious contemplation, I've forwarded your blog to a lot of my pre-med friends. Congrats on all the visits!

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  70. Congratulations on the milestone, Doc! Looking forward to many more!

    As I've alluded, I'm a pharmacology student, pharmacy technician and aspiring pharmacist from Montreal, Quebec.

    I found SftTB after clicking on your (quite graphic) FML profile picture about two (?) years ago. I read all your blog posts as quickly as if I had found and binged that perfect Netflix series that was already a few seasons in, so in about two weeks.

    P.S.: I think it's excusably hypocritical of you to ask where we're from, you see the stats anyway.

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  71. Yo! Thanks for the great reads, Doc! I'm a pre-med student here in Los Angeles, so while I may have found you on FML, I've stayed because of your interesting stories in the field I so desperately want to be apart of ;).

    Congrats on 4mil. You deserve it.

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  72. Fairfax, VA cannot remember how I found you but humor + smarts always wins

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  73. Province of Alberta, Canada....really enjoy your stories.

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  74. Hey doc!
    Been following you since fml and the one beautiful story with you scripted as the "hunters" becoming the "hunted".
    I have been reading your posts for years now, but finally able to post comments. I have moved from the east coast to the west coast of the United states, through marriage, moving, and now working on my second little spawn. I give kudos to you for being an awesome husband, father, and doctor. I'm sure the parents are proud as well!
    -fen

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  75. Germany... Since years - procrastinating on FML :)
    Congratulations to the 4 Millions!

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  76. Hi db! I'm from Baltimore, MD and found your blog via FML. I've been a reader for a few years & LOVE your blog!! Reading your words is almost like deja vu, it sounds like thoughts in my head. I mention your blog to all of my friends who would appreciate your take on the world :-) Keep up the phenomenal work & keep all those morons idiots on their toes! Love ya Doc!

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  77. Little Rock, AR. Can't remember how I found you - I worked through college as an EMT in New Orleans so I frequent great medical blogs. Love Doc Bastard!

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  78. Hi Doc! I've always wanted to tell you that I enjoy your blog! I live in Metrowest Boston and found you when the whole Jahi McMath saga began, and stayed with you because I love all things medical and find you incredibly interesting! Best to you!

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  79. Congrats on 4+ million views! I don't know if I've commented before, but I'll do so now. I'm from Florida (unfortunately) and I've been reading your blog for a very long time now. I followed you from FML, though I never had an account there, and have been reading your writing since. In the last 6 years a lot has happened in my life, and reading your blog has been a nice constant. I just want to say thank you for sharing your stories and I look forward to what else you have in store for us.

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  80. Congrat on the 4th million. Found you via a link on an Orac post at Scienceblogs and I read each and every post and all the comments.

    Alain

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  81. From the US, Wva. Retired RN Burn Unit and ER found your blog reading about Jahi.Congrats! Love your stories I can relate. Keep writing and I will keep reading.

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  82. I'm Jess, and I live in Texas. I found you when a friend shared one of your blogs on Facebook a few years ago. I enjoyed your writing, and have become a weekly reader of yours. Thank you for taking time out of your very stressful and busy life to write this blog for us to enjoy.

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  83. In Northern California and following since the Jahi McMath debacle. Congrats on 4 million.

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  84. I started reading your blog because a friend suggested me. Bay Area!

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  85. Congrats on the number Doc! Calling in from Chicago here, and I'm from FML as many others on here.

    Thank you for the priceless content you've been putting out for these many years! Here's to many more.

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  86. Greetings from another North Carolinian! This is my 2nd check-in and I've been reading your blog/following on Twitter since the Jahi mess. Father and sister MDs; I love great stories related to medicine AND fools. Carry on! Hooray for Bastidgeville on the 4M.

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  87. Congrats on the 4 million Doc! I currently live in Kansas, USA, formerly from New York. I found you on FML a few years ago and consequently found your blog.

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  88. I'm in Kentucky, USA. I found you while following the McMath case. Love your blog.

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  89. I am Amy Baker (my real name) an RN and live in Duncan, Oklahoma, USA. I found you several years ago while searching articles for Jahi McMath and have been reading your blog ever since! Congrats on 4 million!!

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  90. Hi DocB, and congratulations!
    I'm reading from Argentina and found your blog when someone in a totally unrelated forum shared a post about -what else?- poor Jahi (BTW, is that sad body still plugged?)
    I also have fun following you in Twitter and reading your discussions with quacks and homeopaths. Keep up the good work!
    -Mirita

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  91. I'm reading from New Jersey, USA. I found your blog during the whole Jahi Mcmath thing.

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  92. Hi! I´m from Patagonia in Argentina and I discovered your tweeter account by a colleague's re tweet and then I found your blog. I'm a scientist and I love your posts about vaccines, homeopathy and chiropractics (luckily the last is not very common here).

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  93. I'm a premed student (and also an RN) from southeast GA, US. I've been following your blog for at least 3 years now and I think Doc Grumpy linked to you but I'm not 100% on that.

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  94. I'm from New England and I guess you are from Old England. Anyway, I was on Reddit and found a link to the latest entry about Jahi Mcmath your blog. You should do an AMA over there some time. I'm a Blind Rehab Specialist who worked her way through college by way of numerous hospitals doing nurse's aid work. I also did some patient sitting (keeping their ass in bed and out of trouble) for head trauma patients. I have a deep appreciation for anyone who regularly does battle with the Saturday Night Knife and Gun Club. I'm enjoying your candor and honesty. Without human stupidity you and I would be out of a job. ;)

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  95. Hi, I am from the Baton Rouge , LA commuting area. I am a professor of Microbiology at a regional university. I fortuitously stumbled upon this literary masterpiece from Dr Grumpy's blogroll.

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  96. Just a humble ED & Trauma lovin' RN living here in flyover country. Found you on twitter & thoroughly enjoy your blog. Keep fighting the good fight against bullshit.

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  97. I'm from bay Area California. I have been reading your blog for past several years. I am truly fascinated by how much good of a doctor you are. I believe that world is still a better place because people like you exist. Keep up the good work.

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