It's a dog-eat-dog world. Ok maybe some dogs are viciously competitive, but have you ever seen a dog actually eat another dog?
I slept like a baby. No you didn't, you slept all night. Babies wake up screaming every two hours!
He wants to have his cake and eat it too. What is the point of having cake if you're not going to eat it?
It's the bee's knees! It's...wait, what? What the fuck does that even mean?
But other phrases make perfect sense:
I'm as happy as a pig in slop. Yup, pigs look very happy wallowing in mud.
That went like clockwork. Sure, fine clocks are incredibly intricate.
It's as smooth as silk. Self-explanatory.
So what the hell am I getting at? What exactly does this have to do with anything? Just wait. I promise it will make sense in a moment.
A very boisterous (my nice way of saying "obnoxiously loud") man was brought to my trauma bay having been allegedly assaulted by five other men. His main complaint was a headache due to a gash on his forehead.
"Oh, and my fists hurt too."
Your fists hurt? I hadn't heard that one before. "Yeah, Doc. I think I knocked one of them the fuck out."
My main complaint was that he smelled like a dirty diaper that had been dipped in booze. He and his "buddies" that he had been brawling with had drunk at least a dozen bottles of something, so he had done the only logical and gentlemanly thing he could think to do - he emptied his bladder all over himself during the ambulance ride. Yes, on purpose. We peeled his pants off his legs and tried to dispose of them (the pants, not the legs...though trust me, the temptation was there), but the stench wouldn't seem to go away.
We continued with our workup desperately trying to ignore the odor. In this midst of everything, it turned out that his only available form of identification was an armband with his name and date of birth on it...the armband from the prison from which he had been released the day before. So naturally he had decided to celebrate his release by drinking and fighting. Fortunately he hadn't done any major damage and had no major injuries, so he received a few stitches in his forehead for his trouble, and I sent him on his merry way. The police were only too happy to take him right back.
After this experience, I've added "piss drunk" to the second list.