I've done stories about stupid patients, stupid doctors, and stupid family members. Now it's finally time to do a story about STUPID LAWYERS. Well, one stupid solicitor at least.
I received a witness summons (also known as a subpoena) in the mail a few days ago cordially inviting me to testify at a criminal trial in July. Ok, actually it was informing me that if I didn't show up, I'd be arrested. I took a long look at the name on the summons and quickly realised I hadn't the foggiest notion who the person was or how I was associated with him. I receive these summons periodically, and I figured he was probably a guy who had shot or stabbed someone I had taken care of. I called the lawyer and got his assistant who informed me that I was close - it was a drunk driving charge. I tried telling her that I had no idea who this fellow was, though I was glad to see someone getting properly prosecuted for the offence, and I nearly hung up the phone, smugly satisfied that I had gotten out of court. Before I had a chance to hang up, she told me the names of the two gentlemen who had been in the car that this guy had hit. Both of them had been my patients.
I figured I could still get out of it - I've never met the drunk driver, I wasn't at the scene of the crime, I didn't take care of him, and I have no idea about the circumstances of the accident. So why would they possibly need me to testify, right? Do they need me to stand up and say under penalty of perjury that these men were, in fact, injured, as clearly evidenced by the medical record? Do they need me to admit that I have no knowledge of anything whatsoever having to do with the crime? I told the lawyer's assistant that I was absolutely certain that I would have nothing to add to the case and that it would be a waste of everyone's time to have me there.
I got a call back from the lawyer's assistant today informing me that I do have to show up to testify. I still have no idea why, because the scumbag lawyer hasn't returned any of my messages. I have to give up a day of either operating or seeing patients in my office for this bullshit.
Fucking soulless assholes, almost every single one of them.