1) Yeah, we fucking get it, Doc. Call Gods. Get over it!
2) There are no such things as Call Gods! It's pure coincidence. Get over it!
You know what, I should apologise, but I won't. I don't care what you're moaning and groaning about. I'm writing about the Call Gods again dammit, because they've been acting . . . strange. Which for them is, well, strange.
If you are familiar with the Call Gods, feel free to skip this explanatory paragraph and go check out some funny cat videos. There are approximately 4,845,130,642 from which to choose. In case you aren't aware of them, the Call Gods control everything (and I mean EVERYTHING) about what happens to me on call. Whether I get to eat or not, if I get any sleep, how many times over the course of the night my pager will wake me, the type of patients I'll get (including the types of drunks), and the variety of injuries I'll see. You may think it's sheer coincidence or that I have a selective memory and remember only what I choose to, but ask anyone in medicine (especially surgery). You'll get the same response:
"THEY. ARE. REAL."
I know this because they prove it, over and over and over.
What, you want examples? I thought you'd never ask.
A few months ago I had a relatively slow day, only 8 patients over the whole shift. It was typical stuff, mostly car accidents, a fall, and one gunshot wound. However, in that mix of patients I had two patients who had suffered one injury and one injury only; one of the two had fallen down stairs, the other was shot. But both had just one body part hurt. Only one. What body part?
One finger. The fourth finger. The left fourth finger.
What, you still aren't convinced? Two out of eight patients, fully 25% of my patients for the day, had isolated left 4th finger injuries on the very same day, and that still isn't evidence enough for you? You still don't believe? How is that even possible! I hear the Call Gods mocking you. They scoff at unbelievers.
But wait, there's more. There's always more.
My most recent call day was much busier. I had a total of sixteen patients, including 4 assaults, 3 stabbings (one I took to the operating theatre with lacerations to his colon, kidney, and small intestine), one shooting, one drunk fall, 6 car accidents, and a guy hit in the face by a falling wrench (yes, seriously). If you aren't seeing a pattern yet, I don't blame you. I didn't see it either until I got a patient with a glass eye. That may not sound that strange to you (yet), but I haven't seen a patient with a glass eye in several years, and as soon as I saw her, something inside me twitched.
Sure enough, two hours later one of the assault victims also had a glass eye.
Both were fine with no serious injuries, and perhaps a glass eye isn't anything to get worked up over. I simply like to think of it as the Call Gods reminding me they are there. Always watching. Waiting. Preparing.