Monday, 26 August 2013

Yet another way smoking can kill

Since I have never so much as taken a single puff on a cigarette (yes, really) I have a question for all you smokers out there: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU THINKING?  Wait, wait, wait.  No, that wasn't what I wanted to ask.  I got sidetracked for a second thinking about how stupid smoking is.  What I meant was, I've noticed that smokers tend to be very generous when someone, even a complete stranger, asks them for a cigarette.  I would never give a stranger a sip of my drink (whatever it may be) or a bite of my sandwich (especially if it had bacon on it), but I've always been impressed by smokers happily handing over one of their precious carcinogen sticks without hesitation.  But my question is this: what do you do when you ask to bum a cigarette and get turned down?  Is there some protocol you're supposed to follow?  Is there some set of rules?

This next guy must not have read that rule book.

I suppose cigarettes are just too expensive these days, so the guy simply ran out and needed a nicotine fix.  Normally bumming a cigarette wouldn't be a problem for him, since smokers are, as much as it boggles the mind, easy to find.  And it should have been a piece of cake to "borrow" a cigarette from a complete stranger.  But he just happened to pick the wrong stranger.  I am likely paraphrasing, but the conversation went something like this:

Patient: Hey, can I bum a cigarette?
Stranger: Um, no.
Patient: What?
Stranger: I said no.
Patient: Ok, I'm going to beat the shit out of you.

So the guy attacked the stingy smoker for not simply handing over a cigarette.  What he didn't count on was the other guy being much faster than he.  And having a knife.  Not only did he receive multiple lacerations all over his body, he didn't even end up getting his cigarette.

We sutured up his lacerations and sent him home, after suggesting that he either A) quit smoking or B) quit attacking ninjas.

12 comments:

  1. I'm curious why the police weren't contacted. Did the 'ninja' not want to sign a warrant or do things work differently in DocBastardLand?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm sure you mean Austria. Wait, Australia. Yeah, DocBastardLand, Australia. Am I right Doc?

      Delete
  2. This reminded me of the patient I just saw. His bragging about being violent made clerking him a hell. Add to that his breath fell the room with cigarette smell. So annoying.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I personally wouldn't ask someone I didn't know for a cigarette. I smoke, but I am blessed with manners and don't ask complete strangers for something. If I run out its either call mom or wait for someone I know lol

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I don't see anything to "lol" about. I know you've heard it thousands of times, but smoking is harmful for you and the others around you. My grandfather just got a portion of his gum and tongue remover due to the fact that he smoked for 30 years.

      Delete
    2. And my grandfather just died from judging people he didn't even know. You should get that looked at, I heard it can get worse the longer it goes untreated. A blogger ranting about a maniac of a patient and a person giving unsolicited advise on the Internet are two very different things.

      Delete
    3. You know what? You got me. You are totally right, and I feel so foolish for ever letting the idea of smoking being bad for someone ever get into my mind. Excuse me for my ignorance. And though I saw no "judging" in my text, I'll go ahead and apologize about that too. I am so sorry for letting my ignorance be spotted by you superior intellect. I am truly sorry. May god bless your deceased grandfather, and may god bless my undeveloped intellect.

      Delete
  4. I can't really feel sorry for this idiot.

    ReplyDelete
  5. @SkyGuy32, at least in America (though we don't know where Doc practices), if a patient is a competent adult, it is their responsibility to call the police. Even if you're a 23 year old woman who I KNOW based off of physical exams and triage that you are being sexually and physically abused by your partner at home, there is NOTHING I can do without her consent because of HIPAA laws.

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  6. Why _either_ A) or B).

    Personally, I'd go with both.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Now I don't know if you reddit doc. But I recently saw this comment. It may give you a slight insight.
    http://www.reddit.com/r/changemyview/comments/1l39f3/anybody_who_has_taken_up_smoking_tobacco_since/cbvf2wq

    Just so you know.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I found this extremely insightful. Thank you!!

      Delete

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