New Year's Resolution

I'm not perfect.  That should surprise none of you, least of all Mrs. Bastard. I do strive to improve myself in various ways, but change is difficult.  I fear change.  I try to avoid change.  So how can I resolve this incongruent conflict between stagnation and improvement?

A new year's resolution, of course!  Right?

Ha.  No.

I've never made a new year's resolution for one simple reason: they're all bullshit.  Studies show that nearly 80% of people break their resolution before January 15th, and 90% by January 30th.  Studies also show that a certain anonymous blogger made up 100% of the statistics in that last sentence.  But seriously, how many people actually keep their resolution long term?  Have you?  Of course not.  And why?

Because new year's resolutions are bullshit.

The common resolutions are obvious: lose weight, exercise more, get in shape, drink less, quit smoking, save more money, eat better.  I can't do any of those resolutions, because I'm already in great shape, eat well and exercise regularly.  Ok, none of that is true, but in all honesty exercising sucks.  I hate it, and it sucks.  Studies show that people who exercise regularly live 6 years longer than those who don't, but they spend those 6 years exercising (see statistic on statistics above).  So fuck exercise.

But as 2016 comes to a close, I decided that this will be the first time in my {redacted} years on this planet that I will make a new year's resolution.  Because why not.  These things are all meant for us to better ourselves, and who can argue with that?  So what have I chosen as my resolution?  Well it certainly isn't exercise more (really, fuck exercise).  My diet sucks, but there is no chance whatsoever at changing that significantly.  Despite my horrid eating habits, I do not need to lose weight.  And I don't smoke (obviously).

Here it is:

Yell at my children less.

I unfortunately have a very short fuse when it comes to my beautiful children.  I love them more than life itself, and sadly that fact gets pushed to the back of my mind way too often as I find myself losing my temper at them, usually for petty things.  My daughter procrastinates, my son talks too much, and these habits (among others), while bad, are not bad enough to have earned the wrath that has come down on them.

Sure I'm chronically sleep deprived and of course I'm chronically faced with stress from my job, but those are no excuse whatsoever for some of the tantrums I've thrown at them.  They don't deserve to have me take out my ire on them.  Not only that, but Mrs. Bastard gets scared whenever I yell, and that isn't remotely fair to her.  I've never cursed at them, and I've never hit them.  NEVER.  But there has been too much yelling, very little of it actually warranted.

So there it is, my new year's resolution, one I may actually keep.  All resolutions are supposed to be important, but this one especially is.  My children deserve better of me.

I had thought about "Eat fewer doughnuts" as my resolution, but I just ate two.

Mmmmm . . . doughnuts.