I walked into the main treatment area and saw what I can only describe as the closest thing I've ever seen to an actual bull in a china shop: a 250-kg woman (that's around 550 lb) was lumbering through the department, poking her head into every room, with 4 nurses trying to surround her.
And she was stark raving naked.
Several security guards were trying to usher her back towards her room, but she easily outweighed them all. One of the nurses had a gown (extra large, if you're wondering) and was trying to lasso it around her neck to help her maintain some semblance of decorum. Despite all this the woman continued her tirade, giving each and every patient a bit of a show. At last the parade ended at my trauma bay . . . and Bess. The look on Bess' face when the procession entered the trauma bay was a mixture of horrifying shock and bemused merriment. The woman took one look at Bess, shook her head (I suppose Bess didn't have what she wanted), turned around, and trudged slowly back to her room, her entourage in tow. I looked at Bess, a look of terror and desperation on my face. I opened my mouth to apologise, my brain still trying to fully process what I had just witnessed. But before I was able to formulate any words, Bess, her face completely straight, said,
"That sure is a lot of beef on those hooves."
I couldn't decide if I wanted to give Bess a hug or a high five. So I decided to do both.
I wish I had more patients like Bess.