Sadly, I added a new tombstone last night.
As certain people get older they may look like they are aging well, but underneath the surface there is skin that isn't as smooth and taut as it used to be, organs that aren't functioning as well. My patient was no different - she was not too old, but she was definitely starting to show her age. Sure she looked pretty good on the outside, but she had been getting slower and slower over the past few months. She had been in her usual good state of health until last night, when she suddenly got sick. It seemed that everything inside her had suddenly stopped working all at once. I took one look at her and knew immediately that something was seriously wrong, and she needed immediate surgery.
A few minutes later I opened her up, and what greeted me was confusing at best, and horrifying at worst. I've been inside many patients just like her, but somehow she was just different. Nothing was where it should have been, but I still couldn't immediately identify what was making her shut down. I started dissecting carefully, moving things around, taking things apart where I had to, removing other things that also obviously needed removing, trying to identify the problem. It was very delicate work, and I knew that one false move could spell the end.
And then it happened. One tiny movement that should have been more delicate than it was, wasn't. One slight misstep was all it took, and just like that it was all over. I suppose I could have tried to repair the damage, but it was obvious that even though the injury was tiny, it was also unfixable. I dropped my head, cursed silently under my breath, and closed up without another word. Nothing anyone could have said would have changed a damned thing.
I know I don't ever release patients' names, and I risk raising a few eyebrows doing this, but I'm going to make an exception in this case. I hope this can serve as a cautionary tale to any other surgeons (or anyone else, for that matter) who decide to be less careful than they should be.
RIP, iPhone 5. You will be forever in my personal graveyard.
That's what I was gonna say. =PDelete
Well, that was unexpected.ReplyDelete
Hey Doc! Just because you're a surgeon doesn't mean you should "operate" on electronics. You should leave that to us experts. ;-)ReplyDelete
What phone you getting next doc?ReplyDelete
Oh DocBastard my heart is still aching and I was getting worried about you. Nice one though.
Best of luck with the new phone.
Well, that deescalated (? New word) quickly...ReplyDelete
I believe that's called anticlimax.Delete
Don't strain yourself too hard trying to come up with new words...
Say that to the people who came up with twerk and selfie. On my laptop, these are spelled incorrectly.Delete
Kudos to your laptopDelete
Snap, Doc Bastard puts one over on us!ReplyDelete
There are so many reasons why Apple users should not try to repair their own devices that it's not even funny. Also, a bit early for April Fool's, but maybe that was what you were aiming for.ReplyDelete
Well played sir, well played indeed.ReplyDelete
What symptoms did the iPhone show? Any screen lacerations, broken bones, or just general slowness (is that a word?). I know how you feel. Last year, I lost my iPod Touch to a broken home button and narcolepsy, better known as frequent crashes. The sickness that caused the iPod to crash soon spread to my Nook. In addition, I have forgotten the password to the Nook, making it impossible for me to perform a bloatwarectomy that could possibly save him. I replaced the Nook with a Samsung Galaxy Note tablet. The sickness that had caused the first two to crash spread to the Samsung, forcing me to completely erase his memories twice. He is now alive and well; I am currently using him to type this story.ReplyDelete
What the hell do you do with your gadgetsDelete
I kept thinking, "Damn, he is confessing to killing a patient through a mistake he made. He is opening himself up to serious liability."ReplyDelete
"Damnit Jim! I'm a doctor, not an Apple genius! " Haha.... couldn't be helped.ReplyDelete
Well played sir, well played.ReplyDelete
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