Thursday 1 August 2013

My favourite things

I've decided that it's time to divulge some more information about myself.  And what better way to do that than by revealing some of my favourite things.  I've even decided to narrow it down for you and make it that much more specific by listing my all-time top 1000 favourite things to do at 1AM (if it seems I'm being a bit obtuse, I have a reason.  Trust me, I always have a reason).  So without further ado, my top three:

1) Sleep
2) Sleep
3) Sleep

Sense a trend there?  Having sex very nearly made it to the top three, but as you can see it came up short (no pun intended, I assure you).  In the interest of time I'm going to skip several hundred entries to show you the bottom three entries on the list:

998) Stick hot pokers in my eye
999) Clean my garbage cans
1000) Home renovations

Clearly I would much rather be in bed (doing something or other) at 1 in the morning than anything else, but other people's priorities seem...different. 

At 1:30 AM a short while ago (see, I told you there was a reason!) I found out that the next patient coming in would be a fall.  I figured it was going to be yet another elderly patient who got up to pee but ended up losing the never-ending fight against gravity (since I already had gotten three such patients earlier that day). 

But if it were something that mundane, I wouldn't be telling you about it, would I?

The patient who rolled in was a 39-year old woman who had fallen off a scaffolding.  Now before you start thinking that the accident had been earlier that afternoon, think back to my list.  

In fact, she had fallen off the scaffolding and landed flat on her back at 1 AM.  What was she doing up there at that ridiculous hour, you ask?  Well she was replacing the siding on her house with her husband, of course!  What the hell else do you do at 1 AM?!  Her husband explained that they both had day jobs, so the only time they had to do their home renovations was the middle of the night when normal people are sleeping.  "But don't worry", he continued.  "We had a few spot lights set up out there."

I did not ask what their day jobs were. 

Fortunately she had no serious injuries so I sent her home.  But not before advising her to finish the job during the day. 

Now be quiet and leave me alone.  I'm going back to sleep. 


  1. I'm skeptical that between the spot lights and the pounding that one of the neighbors didn't come push her.

    1. That's what I was thinking. Unless they live in the woods far from anyone elses property. In which case it was probably a deer that was blinded by the lights, panicked, and ran into the scaffolding.

  2. I get the distinct feeling one of the neighbors gave the scaffolding a good kick.

    1. "Bitch deserved it"... Seriously?? The Internet really does turn people into judgemental asses. Or maybe you were just one to begin with; either way, get off the whole "holier than thou" bit, it's been played out.

    2. I'm pretty sure he was just making a joke...hence the name "one of the neighbors".

    3. I thought the same thing as Arielle until I saw that name. Lol.


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