We all know them no matter what they are called where you're from - rednecks, yokels, bumpkins, chavs, bogans, pikeys, carrot crunchers, worzels, etc. I just call them idiots. These people have a very special way of acting completely ridiculous and getting into trouble in very creative ways.
The call on "the box" told me I would be getting a victim of a car accident. What arrived 5 minutes later was a 175kg (385 lb) redneck (for lack of a better term), screaming at the top of his lungs for his wife.
"WHERE'S MY WIFE? WHERE'S MY WIFE?? STELLAAAAAA! STELLAAAAAAA!!!" (not her real name)
The medics then told me he had actually been thrown out of a moving car, not in a car accident. He was clearly drunk, though whenever anyone mentioned alcohol, he violently thrashed around and vehemently denied drinking anything. It took 8 men to hold him down while we established IV access and sedated him so we could perform our assessment.
The medics then said his wife would be coming in another ambulance in 5 minutes. She had been stabbed.
Wait...what?? He was thrown out of a car, and she was stabbed? The story made no sense.
When she arrived, she did have three very small, superficial stab wounds in her shoulder and leg, and she had then been pushed out of the same car. Because she had bruises all over her body, the medics believed that she had been sexually assaulted, and they believed her husband had been thrown out of the car while trying to protect her. It was a tragic, sweet, sad story.
If only it were true. Did you really think I was going to tell a sweet, tragic story? HA!
I found out the next day what actually happened. These two are from out of town, and they were visiting some friends here and drinking heavily, despite his claims to the contrary. One of the friends accused Stella (still not her real name) of sleeping with another man, and her husband, with a blood alcohol level of 0.27, decided to beat the shit out of her (her blood alcohol level was 0.21). The four "friends" then piled into the car and in true idiot fashion began fighting in the moving car. In the scuffle Stella got stabbed, and both of them were thrown out of the car. He was screaming for his wife when he first arrived not because he was concerned for her safety, but because he thought he hadn't given her a sufficient beating.
Fortunately neither of them was seriously injured, and they're both back home now. She refused to press charges against him for the assault, and he still believes that she cheated on him. It makes me wonder how Hollywood movie writers seem to be out of ideas for movies - the writers just need to spend one day with me.
Stories about general surgery, trauma surgery, dumb patients, dumb doctors, and dumb shit from the dumb world around us.
Tuesday, 4 September 2012
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I am willing to bet they are from West Virginia or Kentucky! Am I close??ReplyDelete
Not even in the ballpark. :)Delete
This is when I sit down and have a hearty laugh at how some people live their lives, poor woman for being so dumb.ReplyDelete
Sorry to disappoint, but my family can be classified as true redneck. Any other real redneck would say I tell the truth. A family member of mine has become very well known over the state of Texas due to his hunting techniques, my family shoots potato guns, races ATVs, stage bull and cow-whip competitions(to see how loud we can pop the whip), and conduct soda fights. We farm, raise animals, and literally have sunburned red necks. :)ReplyDelete
The stupid, violent, and fighting types are not true redneck. They act tough trying to meet the stereotype but they're nothing but empty-headed bullies.
Well, Doc, I just read your entire blog in one night. All insinuations about my social life aside, I'm going to join the masses of people complimenting you.ReplyDelete
This is probably the most interesting blog I've read, and it's certainly the one that made me laugh the most. Unfortunately, I think you've killed any drive that I had to become a doctor, but I guess I'll write that down as a side-effect of your humor. It's a side-effect that I can live with, because I feel like these stories probably won't get old for a while.
Thanks for writing, and for being a good doctor (even if you're a bastard) to all those patients.
Okay, it appears as if no one has mentioned the godawful Tennessee Williams reference, so looks like that's going to fall to me. Nice one there, Doc.ReplyDelete
Was about to do that myself, then noticed you had :)Delete
It seemed the right thing to do. I assumed most everyone would get the reference. :)Delete