Tuesday 17 April 2012

It doesn't take a genius

It doesn't take that many brain cells to learn from one's mistakes.  I guess some people just don't have enough.  I know what you're thinking - "Everyone has enough brain cells, Doc!"  Ok, that may be true.  But some people just choose not to use the brain cells they have.

A guy was brought to me a few nights ago having been found down by police.  "Found down" can mean one of several things:
  • Pedestrian hit by a car
  • Had a heart attack or stroke
  • Really, really, really drunk
There are several other options of course, but what I've learned is that the third option is usually the right one.  Such was the case of the gentleman alluded to above.  He admitted to me that he drank about a liter and a half of liquor (that's about three pints) that night.  "How often do you do that?" I asked him.

"Whenever I can afford it, Doc."

Nice.  I like him already.

As the workup progressed, one of my assistants thought this drunken sot looked familiar.  She looked up his information, and sure enough he had been admitted to my hospital just 8 days prior having been in a car accident while piss drunk (yes, that's the official medical term).  His blood alcohol while he was driving was 320 (0.32, or about 4 times the legal limit).  I guess he figured he hadn't done well enough that time, because in spite of totaling his car a week before while drunk, he failed to learn a goddamned thing.

This night his blood alcohol was 380.

So what is it?  Had he been drowning his brain in booze for so long that the cells had decided to defect and now refuse to function properly anymore?  Or are some people actually that self-destructive?

Believe it or not, I'm actually glad when people get this drunk.  Wait, wait, stop screaming and keep reading.  There actually was one good thing about his being so inebriated - at least he was too drunk to get behind the wheel this time.


  1. Some mother fuckers are always trying to iceskate uphill...I can't tell you how many times I've worked in a bar and found that jackasses like that have no place on planet earth!

  2. Surely this guy is an alcoholic. Sounds like its less a case of learning and more of simply being unable to let go.

    Anyway, if he drinks all his money, hopefully he won't be able to afford a new car and won't be able to hurt anyone with it. Sounds like he could use some rehab' thou'.

  3. There're many reasons for a person to become alcoholic. So using brain cells may not even help in some cases.


If you post spam or advertisements, I will hunt you down and eliminate you.

Comments may be moderated. Trolls will be deleted, and off-topic comments will not be approved.

Web-hosted images may be included thusly: [im]image url here[/im]. Maybe. I'm testing it.

Not dead

I'll start this post by answering a few questions that may or may not be burning in your mind: No, I'm not dead.  No, I didn't g...