Friday 18 December 2020

Not dead

I'll start this post by answering a few questions that may or may not be burning in your mind:

No, I'm not dead. 

No, I didn't get COVID. 

No, I haven't quit Twitter (yet).

Yes, I'm fine.

Yes, Mrs. Bastard and the Little Bastards are all fine.


As I've said many times, I started this stupid blog for one reason: so I wouldn't forget my stupid stories. I never had any misconceptions that 1) anyone other than my family and I would ever read it 2) I would ever get a book deal, or 3) I would ever have regulars or fans or any kind of a following. As the years have gone on and more and more of you people kept coming back for some strange reason, it morphed into a way for me not only to remember the stories but also to release stress and educate and entertain others. Unfortunately that change made it inevitably and increasingly difficult to write stories in a way that I felt would satisfy not only you but me as well. It also became harder and harder to keep myself and my patients anonymous.

Those are the reasons why I went from a story at least weekly to every other week to perhaps once a month to . . . never. I can't blame my job, since that didn't get any more difficult (until the beginning of 2020, for obvious reasons). I can't blame my family, since 1) my children required less and less of me as they got older (my daughter was a toddler when I first started writing) and 2) they have been nothing but understanding and supportive. And I certainly can't blame COVID, since my slowdown started in 2017. 

The fact is, I don't need to blame anyone, because there isn't anyone or anything on which I need to place blame. As much fun as this whole experience has been and as much as I enjoy seeing the (mostly) positive feedback from my stupid stories and various mythbusting posts, I've run out of steam. I knew this time would come eventually, but I frankly expected it to come many years after this.

However, after nearly 500 posts, over 15,000 comments, and well over 6 million page views, it's finally time for me to hang it up. I've written and deleted this post at least half a dozen times over the past year or two, but this time I'm publishing it. The decision has been difficult since I know many of you will miss the episodic stupidity (especially Kalica and The Regulars), but it's finally been made. The reasons behind it are several (though one predominates), and I'd rather not get into any of them. Just know that there is a main reason, and I'd much prefer that reason not exist. Also know that the main reason has nothing to do with ethics or anything legal.

I may do more mythbusting posts in the future on an as-needed basis, but since those take about 649x longer to write than my stories do (I timed it), the likelihood is rather slim. But I'll say that at least there's a chance.

Thank you all for your attention over the years. Please know that I appreciate all of you, even the trolls.

Ok, not the trolls.

Be well. Cheers.


  1. Thanks for all the stories and well written post about current (medical related) events.
    Thanks for letting us get a peek into the real work of a medical professional and even in the mind of one. I honestly don't remember how/when I discovered your blog, I only know that it was years ago and I was hooked from the start. Probably because of the snarky side notes ;)

    All the best from someone who only reads but never comments :)

  2. All the best to you!


  3. Hi Doc, Phew to all the above questions although it would be hard to write a post if you were #1 although a very impressive tslent.

    it has been fun and, I think, we all knew the time would come although we hoped it wouldn't.
    The ride has been an absolute blast and I will continue to revisit old posts as I have your blog on my desktop (be afraid, very afraid)
    Thank you for sharing the stupidity and the surprises of being a trauma surgeon.
    I do wonder if any of your surviving patients have ever seen your blog and wondered if it is them or at least similar to them? (Dead ones may have other options)
    I shall keep an eye on you in twitter and give the antivaaxers, charlatans, fraudsters and fakers hell. it amuses me greatly and if you are good and I see something interesting I may well send you a nice RFO or even a UFO (usually applicable to men, well, they will insist on playing with it)
    Big hugs, Merry Christmas and a safe, happy, peaceful and prosperous New Year to you, Mrs Bastard and the now not so little Bastards.

    Don't let the other (Non Bastard family members) get you down xx

  4. Whatever you mysterious reasons for having at the very least a long break, please accept my thanks for all the erudition, sound advice and enormous fun you have given me through your posts. I shall take time to trawl back through them while you gather your strength for another blast - I hope. All best wishes to you and your family - thank again.

  5. Thanks for sharing in my life in a small way, even if brief. Your posts were always amusing and informative and for that I am thankful to have had the chance to read them. Best wishes for you and yours.

  6. Goodbye, Doc, and best wishes. Thank you for the reassurance of this last post. It’s been a pleasure following you!

  7. I am going to miss you but I get it.
    Thanks for the memories.

  8. thank you for the writing. it was enjoyable while it lasted, and I won't say I won't miss it, or the community, here; but don't feel obligated on my account. I get plenty of stupid firsthand.

    as for me, I didn't die, but I did get covid - and not in the line of duty - from going to do some repairs for my MIL.

    and the community I grew up in suffered a devastating wildfire this year. we lost 300 homes, but somehow got away with only one line of duty injury, a couple of minor injuries, and no loss of human life.

  9. I've really enjoyed your smart blog. If it's not fun anymore then yeah, don't continue. Best wishes and thank you!

  10. First try didn’t go through for some reason. I have only commented a few times over the years. I found you I think in 2012 through FML and for some reason just had to know what in the heck was the story behind your profile picture. It was definitely before the Jahi McMath story.
    Anyway thank you for all the stories; the funny, the sad, the gross, the aggravating. Thank you for the informational posts about brain death, homeopathy, vaccines, and COVID. Thank you to your wife for the two Ask Mrs Bastard Posts. Many thanks to your wife, children, and family for sharing you with us. I respect your decision to end this blog and keep those reasons private. Many best wishes and blessings to you and yours. See you on Twitter?

  11. Doc Bastard, I discovered your writing about Jahi McMath and was hooked from the start. Learned a lot from you. Thanks for the stories, best wishes to you and yours. See you in the twitterverse.

  12. Well, its been a great ride.
    Been a fan since the FML days (2011? I think? Not sure honestly)
    Sad to see your little empire on the internet come to an end....for years checking this site every tuesday was part of my weekly routine- even during the hiatus.
    But its your choice in the end.
    Heres to all the years of stupid people and great stories, to Ken and my fellow regulars, and to you, Docbastard, King of FML, Twitter and of the Trauma Bay

  13. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you - for sharing your stories and anonymously - your incredibly interesting work stories with us. Hopefully you'll continue to post on Twitter periodically. Be safe, Be well....above all, Be happy. Merry Christmas and have an amazing 2021 and beyond. Cheers!

  14. Thank you for years of enjoyable and informative reading! Wishing you all the best in the future.

  15. Thanks for the years of stories and reminding us that seatbelts and helmets are necessary vehicle aids. Have a wonderful holiday and enjoy the kids as they grow up. Peaceful 2021 to you.

  16. Hi Doc,
    I just found you a week ago because of your mythbusting vaccine and covid posts.
    Thank you.
    I'm looking forward to digging around in your back catalog.
    Take care of you and your issue. I hope you get it resolved.

  17. I've always kept this site on an open tab (I cannot stand many open at once, but didn't want to forget to check here). Thank you for the years of great storytelling and knowledge. 💖

  18. I found your site as a young teen wanting to be a trauma surgeon, and your posts kept me entertained during my most tedious classes in high school. Well, now I'm a significantly older teen still wanting to be a trauma surgeon. Thanks for the inspiration and everything else, and take care :)

  19. I've been a silent lurker reading and following you since I first saw a post by you on FML several, several years ago. I'm saddened that you're hanging it up but please know that you have provided me with immense entertainment, information and the ability to set the record straight about how medicine and health works - especially around anti-vaxxers, etc. Thank you for your hard work, and I wish you and your family the absolute best.

  20. Just wondering where you have gotten off to, Doc.
    Tania C, who posted above in December 2020 has sadly passed away in January. I hope all is well, and you are simply pitching a well deserved fit as a result of too many Zoom meetings...

    1. I'm extremely sorry to hear that. I knew she was ill, but damn.

  21. Thank you for guiding us through Jahi McMath which brought me to you....and then I learned so much more from you. I follow you on Twitter and miss you but I certainly respect and understand your position and frustrations. You are a good person and should have a nice life....and it would be a shame not to hear from you again, but know that you have helped so many and that is the truth.

    Kate Johnson

  22. Thank you so much for all the great posts. They have been entertaining, encouraging and enlightening. All the best!

  23. Hey DocB,

    I first noticed you on FML and I've been with you for at least a decade. You have provided me with such interesting facts, entertaining stories, and true belly laughter...I'm so sad to see you ride off into the sunset but I understand it. I will so miss your brutal honesty and acerbic wit. Be well and best wishes to you and the family Bastard.

  24. Hi Doc- thank you for everything. I especially appreciated your willingness to email me at difficult times in my life. I wish you and your family nothing but the best.

  25. From a forever-lurker, thank you for all of yourself that you've shared with us over the years. It's been an honor to get a glimpse of your thoughts and your life.

  26. Just wanted to say thanks. I've mostly been a lurker but I greatly enjoyed your writing over the years- it kept me entertained during a tough period in my life. Your voice will be missed.

  27. I wanted to say thank you for what you have written and shared. I wish you and yours all the best!

  28. I was a lurker. It's sad to see this place taken over by spam bots and advertisements.

    I hope you've rested well DocBastard. Though you're gone, you're the "grandfather" of other Doctor Bloggers (Doctor Mike, Mama Doctor Jones, Mufkr, all the other good ones out there) and have opened the world to what medical care providers have to put up with and why they do what they do.

    Thank you for your service. Your Blog legacy continues through these vloggers.

  29. Curious to hear an update on the influx of stroke and myocarditis patients.

    1. "In all age groups studied, the overall risks of SARS‐CoV‐2 infection‐related hospitalization and death are hugely greater than the risks from post‐vaccine myocarditis."

      Fuck off, troll.

  30. Love to hear you come back and apologize to everyone you tried to convince to get the clot shot. All those women who had miscarriages due to your advice. All those people who had strokes and heart attacks because of your words. You are a piece of shit.

    1. "Compared to those who received a placebo or no vaccination, women who received a COVID-19 vaccine did not have a higher risk of miscarriage (risk ratio (RR) 1.07, 95% CI 0.89–1.28, I2 35.8%) and had comparable rates for ongoing pregnancy or live birth (RR 1.00, 95% CI 0.97–1.03, I2 10.72%)."

      The risk of miscarriage following COVID-19 vaccination: a systematic review and meta-analysis, 16 Feb 2023

      Do you have anything else stupid to say, or were you all finished?

  31. Hi Doc, how are you doing now? I def moos your posts, they were illuminating and hilarious.

  32. I tried posting a comment when you first posted this goodbye, but it didn't work. It's been 3 years now and I came back because something just randomly clicked in my mind and I remembered this blog.

    3 years ago I left a comment thanking you for doing this online commentary thing when I'm sure for you it was really just a thing to keep entertained, but I found you on FML way back (I'm 26 now) so I was pretty young at the time haha. I followed you from FML to here and kept reading all these years and when I left my comment 3 years ago it was to thank you for continuing to peak my curiosity for medicine. Because of you I took a leap of faith to become a Paramedic (here in Canada) and when I originally tried the leave the comment I was just trying to get into the pre-course to attempt to try for paramedic school.

    Now it's been 3 years and I've been on the road as a full Paramedic for 6 months and I just wanted to post this into the void - I know it's been a long time. But thanks again, Doc. You inspired me back then and I actually did it.

    Thank you, I hope all is well - if you ever end up reading this that is. Take care, dude.


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